superfall

My blog of earlier this evening is full of such whining and self suffering that I can't stand to think I wrote it. However, I won't erase it because it was what I was thinking at the time. Have I been around "victims" so much that I see myself as one? I hope not. If you go on to read it please realize it was...
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I fucked up today. I royally pissed of Amy and I don't blame her a bit. I went to txt her good morning and someone else answered back that they would give her the message. Maybe I'm strange, but if I found out a friend of mine picked up my phone and read a text message sent to me I would be livid. If I...
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I miss Amy.

I get to see her everyday at work, but things have changed. I miss the way we used to cut up. I miss the way if felt like we had our little secret. I miss asking her what color her panties are. I miss our midnight conversations where we would talk about work, friends, life, ourselves and feel connected even though we...
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I've been meaning to write about this for a week. I had quite a vivid dream. For some reason I was way up in a metal tower. Like the ones they put out tv and radio signals from. I was dressed in a suit and just below me was my boss Len. He was also dressed in a suit. I was surrounded by grey like...
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I'm feeling frustrated. I don't know what to do about it. I think a large part of it is that I'm tired of catching up on my finances and I'm ready to start to enjoy myself a little bit. The only problem is I'm still catching up on my finances. I want to get a couch (although Amy pointed out to me that it's a...
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I'm pissed at a comment that someone at the office made. On thinking on it, maybe I'm just being to elitist. She is the Natural Foods Director for my company. However, she doesn't have much experience in regards to merchandising and store layouts. I've got 20 years in the industry with at least 12 years of it centered around merchandising products, developing sets and creating...
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I had a bit of an epiphany today. For the first time I'm starting to feel at peace with my relationship, or non relationship, with Amy. I'm not renewing my subscriptions to the online dating sites. I'm not really ready and I'm not really interested. If I meet someone, then I do, until then there's no reason to ride an emotional rollercoaster everytime I send...
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I'm headed to my companies corporate show in Connecticut at the Mohegan Sun. It's a lot of work, but it's a lot of fun too. Also, it's a break from the ordinary grind. I'll be gone for a full week.

While I'm there, I'll do my best to mingle, but my hearts not in it. Even if I were to "hook up" with someone I...
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It's been a rough couple of weeks. I feel like a part of me is missing. I find it hard to hear Amy laugh or talk on the phone to friends when she's in the office. I know she doesn't feel the same way I do, but that sort of seems to throw it in my face. Now I've become a whiny bitch begging for...
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Well, it finally happened. Amy and I have broken up. I guess she was feeling too much pressure and I don't think she's really ready to settle down to just one person. Not that she said that, but that's what I think it is. Does it hurt? Hell yeah. My gut feels like it's turning cartwheels. I feel so alone now. I'll get over it...
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I am in a serious funk. I haven't worked out in two weeks. I don't feel like it and I'm not doing it. I've also been eating CRAP for meals. I feel down and I'm starting to feel stressed.

Today I know Amy is pissed at me about something. She's giving me the silent treatment and it's pissing me off. If I screwed up tell...
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I feel in the bit of a dillema. I am really crazy about Amy. It's not just that she's beautiful. It's also that she has spunk, she likes to go her own way, she's intelligent, she's a good mother and she is concerned about others especially if they are close to her. This is also part of what brings me to my dillema. I really...
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