sunshine_junkie

I fucking hate christmas. Everybody's so happy and it just makes you look even more miserable than you actually are. Forgive me if I can't get excited about a fake tree and all those presents that I'm not going to get.
Anyway I expect that this will be my last journal entry because I just really do not have the mind for anything right now. Allow me to explain because this is my only form of therapy at this precise moment. I am growing dangerously depressed and have been here before and don't know whether I'll be able to get through it again. My family has fallen apart and I miss my dad so much but I know that he can never come back and instead I have to spend christmas with my mums husband. They don't want me here but I have nowhere else to go and feel like I'm trapped in this house. I don't understand what's wrong with me anymore, the things that should come naturally to me like making friends and getting a job terrify me the most and no matter how hard I try I can't do anything. I know that it'smy fault, that there are people far worse off than me and I should be grateful for what I have but I just can't.