when i look back upon my life, it's always with a sense of shame. i've always been the one to blame. for everything i long to do, no matter when or where or who,has one thing in common, too. it's a sin. everything i've ever done, everything i ever do, every place i've ever been,everywhere i'm going to. it's a sin. at school they taught... Read More
I unfortunately have similar feelings. Not so much a sense of impurity due to the glaring eyes of others, but more so a feeling of shame due to my own harsh standards. It's a goddamn burden if I've ever had one...And to survive I've built up quite a mental block on the past. I can't even enjoy good memories for fear of looking back in the first place at this point.
kiss and kill me sweetly.
come and drive me home.
drag the miles in me.
i am yours alone.
inside where it's warm.
wrap myself in you.
outside where i'm torn.
fight myself in two.
in two.
into, you.
desire me so deeply.
drain and kick me hard.
whisper secrets for me.
try to go too far.
inside where it's warm.
wrap myself in you.... Read More
today, i fell in love with a girl. a midget with little hands, light brown hair and pink eyeshadow. she was so tiny. her hands were so cute, i wanted to touch them. i couldn't stop starring at her. i now believe in love at first sight.
today, i was a creepy lesbian.
****added:
lets talk about how i feel. right now. i am trying... Read More
counted, the max number of times i've jerked off in a day is something like 10 i wanna say. i can't remember specifically though, because i think that was mostly in one affair.
sunny, dear...
you're beautiful sugar, and people change everyday. the only thing about people that doesn't change is that people never stop changing.
look at me...
i'm some kind of drunk lunatic most of the time. i've been systematically destroying all of my female (or at least, especially my female) relationships. can't hold them, they're just floating away.
momentarily i'm surprizingly at peace. i don't get that often so i'm gloating in it now.
i miss talking to you sugar, you're one of the good ones.
-i'm at steve's using his laptop. he is talking on his phone when he should be finishing a paper that's due on monday. sam (my brother) is here too. and guess what he is on his phone too. i guess i can't really complain since i have lost my voice and can't talk to them. well... Read More
If you're gonna get your heart broke, you better do it just right,
It's gotta be raining,a nd you gotta move your stuff that night,
And the only friend you can reach isn't a good friend at all,
And you know when he says Now who dumped who? that you never should have made
that call.
I had the blessings, there's nobody there, there's nobody home,
Yeah the blessings, at the moment I was most alone
And aimless as a fulltime fool, the joke was on me,
I got all those birds flying off of that tree, and that's a blessing.
And the blessings were like poets that we never find time to know,
But when time stopped I found the place where the poets go.
And they said, Here have some coffee, it's straight, black and very old,
And they gave me sticks and rocks and stars and all that I could hold,
I had the blessings, a moment of peace even when the night ends,
Yeah the blessings, can we meet? Can we meet again,
At the crossroads of disaster and the imperfect smile,
With the angel in the streetlamp that blinks on as I walk on a mile, the blessings.
And the best ones were the ones I got to keep as I grew strong,
And the days that opened up until my whole life could belong,
And now I'm getting the answers, when I don't need them anymore,
I'm finding the pictures, and I finally know what I kept them for,
I remember, I can see them, see them smiling, see them stuck,
See them try, I wish them luck and all the blessings.
I was fast asleep at three in the morning when I got the payphone call,
And she said, Did I wake you up, I said, Hey, no, not at all.
And she said, I got this suitcase and I don't know what to pack,
And I said, You can take anything you want, just wait and see,
It's not a release, not a reward, it's the blessings,
Its the gift of what you notice more,
And I walked out and I watched her kick the big pile of the night,
And we sat down and we waited for that strange and empty light.
Yeah the blessings...
we've got parallel universes and we're both in the clusterfuck they've described for us (see last of my entries). we'll get through them, and i promise you that. we get a starting point, we grasp it, and we build off of it.
even on the worst of nights, feeling like no one else cares, like we've done our best and it doesn't work or isn't good enough, we know we're not alone.
how we know that, is i'm here. and you're there. we don't have to talk. it's not necessary. you're there, and i'm here.
is there tumor in your humor? are there bags under your eyes? are you questioning your size? do you leave dents where you sit? are you getting on a bit?
what are you really looking for? another partner in your life? to abuse and to adore? is it lovey dovey stuff? do you need a bit of rough? get on your knees. turn down the... Read More
hey new friend,
is the blond man in the poster for A Short Film About Killing the same guy from the killing segment in the Decalogue? Or is that actually the same film under a different name? I haven't seen it in years, but that dude's face is scary...
I can't believe you get to go snowboarding!
it's too flat here.
soooooooo.
thanks to all the people that were nice enough to wish me a happy birthday.
i spent the whole day with my amazing bf, i love him more than anything in this world.
had amazing sex. lots of it.
zack braff is on tv right now, looking all cute in his green little t shirt. he thinks the shins are the greatest band in... Read More
