sunniapocalypse

I'm watching all of these shows with these people getting engaged and in love and happy.

I miss that. I remember the feeling of 'knowing' you were going to spend the rest of your life with someone, but somehow 'knowing' always turns to doubting.

I will always get stabbed in the back. It is inevitable. I will always be the most loyal friend. I will always be the girl with a new boyfriend every week. Not by choice, but by circumstance.

I want to feel a boys hand on the small of my back as we hug. I will always hate the hug where I get patted on the back.

I want to feel him curl up next to me in bed, placing his arm over my torso to let me know he's there, just in case I might need him. I will always hate when he sleeps on the other side of the bed.

I want to hear him say 'I love you' when I leave or sometimes just because he wants me to know. I will always hate that awkward silence before I get off the phone, when we're both wanting to say it but we're too scared.

I want to walk around town holding his hand, my hand always the one on the bottom because Im shorter or slower, whichever you prefer. I'd be proud to say that you are mine and that this, you and I, felt right. I will always hate when he pulls away and pretends we aren't together.

I will always feel like something's missing, like you can do better than me. Most have, and someday you will to. Whether they are better than me because their boobs are bigger, they're easier to get in bed, they have more money, or maybe, just maybe, they loved you more than I could. I will always be left behind, forgotten about, and thrown away.

I am a real person with real emotions and this all hurts so much.

oh, and no this isnt about anyone specific. I am still single. I'm listening to the Amelie soundtrack and this all came pouring out of me.