sunflash

OK its not much but its something...Its been over a month since I have posted. This is the time I probably should have been posting the most. My life has been both good and bad, up and down. I have been going into great periods of joy only to be followed by imense pain and depresion. This whole surgery thing has really thrown me for a hell of a loop. Being as active as I am I feel like a I have lost some of my identity due to the loss of function. Add in the fact that my pay checks from the Army stop this month and I still don't have a job and you get a terrifiying mix. I just am not sure I know how to deal with it all. Don't get me wrong I am happier now than I have been in years but I am scared to death of where I will end up and what will happen to my life from here. I am still seeing the new girl friend but my head and my heart are in constinat argument over where that should be and where it will be. Thanks only to the SCA do I feel like I have a purpose anymore. At least with my little slice of fantasy I can feel good no matter what. Well I feel like I am ranting but that I guess is the nature of a blog after all. Well I guess this is my way of saying that I am still alive though sometimes I wonder how or why. Well all that aside I hope those of you who do read this are well and that I will be back to myself soon now that my arm is mobile, though a long way from healed.