Well anouther day anouther thirty eight cents. What can I say execept yuck! After I updated last night nothing has gone right yet I just kept smiling and telling myself it will all be ok. Somehow a day that otherwise would have sucked turned out to be ok in the end. I think that a lot of what is keeping me going is this hot tub project. Its not only the fact that I love accolades and being the center of attnetion (which I do love) its that some have said I couldn't do it and that more than anything makes me want to finish soon just so I can laugh at them. I know its kinda sick but it really gets me when people have no faith in me even though I have never let them down before.
So I am almost done with the sealing of the tub portion and my welder has just about finished my flow through heating tank I desinged so that means that tommarow will be a plumbing and electrical day once I am done sealing the tub and seting my home made bulk head plate so that I have a drain.
Wow I just realized that I was rambling about the design and construction of the hot tub. As if anyone wants to hear that shit. I think its just cause it is the first real mental and design challenge I have had in a long time and I love it so much. I mean in three days time only working after my twelve hour shift plus any missions are done I have already built the wall to make it a seperate room, a frame and tub, and almost finished sealing it as well as designed a flow through heater system and gotten my self a pump to run the whole system. All while in IRAQ. I think I am just proud of something I am doing for once in a great while.
Now back to reality. I am beginning to feel like I am part of a more selective myspace with applying for friendship with poledancer today. It made me go check my myspace and remember why I do not spend much time there. Speaking of friendship Dan is still not comeforward to apologize or talk about his little stunt at the gym. I can't belive I let anouther person close to me only to have them turn and stick me in the back with some dumb shit like that.
So work is as usual totally un-fulfiling and I can't wait to be done with this shit. I really like the Army and what it is supposed to be but what it is falls so far short of that. Giving up my freedom is not something I am willing to do anymore. Ya I am looking at coming back here as a contractor cause I am addicted to the danger and lifestyle but I just can't listen to some of the bullshit these guys are spouting anymore.
Once I am done building the hot tub I should be back to my regular workout and Jiu-jitsu schedual. If you can call it regular as there is alwase shit coming up to disrupt it. My complete lack of conviction past a few days or weeks still bugs the shit out of me. It is hard for me to stay motivated for things unless there will be a quick reward or pay off. Its so very western of me to do so but I really wish I wasn't.
Oh so I talked to my ex-wife the other night and am still more confused eveytime I deal with her. I just don't know what I am supposed to do about her anymore. And on the old topic I keep thinking about two of the woman I used to date/fool around with. The one I am talking to again and the other who won't talk to me because I got married to Kim and not her. Its the later I keep finding myself thinking of when I am mastubating. Its sad cause I am not in love with either of them I think it is more just that I lost my chance to make something with them. Not that I have been able to make anything ever work. I am just to much of a dabler. I really love to romance a woman and make her feel like the queen of the world I truely do hold them up to but for somereason once the challange is gone I lose interest to soon. I mean heck my longetst relationship, other than my ex-wife which was by law a lot longer, is four months as long as you don't count Sue here in Iraq who has been more of a fuck buddy with a lot of campanionship due to the circumstances. To be honest if we weren't in a war zone with very limited woman around I would have moved on a long time ago.
Its sad that I can see what is wrong with me and want to change it and have no ability to. Wow I have to say that this brain dump has been more open and honest than anything I have ever been able to just put down and to so many people I do not and will probably never know. I am not shy but yet this is not what I write in my other blogs about since they are open source and anyone can find them but this is sort of exclusive and I fear not of judgment as everyone here is at least somewhat likeminded to be here in SG. Well I am exausted and need a shower so I think I will call it for tonight. If there is anyone besides Poledanver out there reading this I hope you aren't to scared. And thanks again to poledancer for being my muse of sorts by makeing me realize that someone may actually be out there reading this.
-Zack-
So I am almost done with the sealing of the tub portion and my welder has just about finished my flow through heating tank I desinged so that means that tommarow will be a plumbing and electrical day once I am done sealing the tub and seting my home made bulk head plate so that I have a drain.
Wow I just realized that I was rambling about the design and construction of the hot tub. As if anyone wants to hear that shit. I think its just cause it is the first real mental and design challenge I have had in a long time and I love it so much. I mean in three days time only working after my twelve hour shift plus any missions are done I have already built the wall to make it a seperate room, a frame and tub, and almost finished sealing it as well as designed a flow through heater system and gotten my self a pump to run the whole system. All while in IRAQ. I think I am just proud of something I am doing for once in a great while.
Now back to reality. I am beginning to feel like I am part of a more selective myspace with applying for friendship with poledancer today. It made me go check my myspace and remember why I do not spend much time there. Speaking of friendship Dan is still not comeforward to apologize or talk about his little stunt at the gym. I can't belive I let anouther person close to me only to have them turn and stick me in the back with some dumb shit like that.
So work is as usual totally un-fulfiling and I can't wait to be done with this shit. I really like the Army and what it is supposed to be but what it is falls so far short of that. Giving up my freedom is not something I am willing to do anymore. Ya I am looking at coming back here as a contractor cause I am addicted to the danger and lifestyle but I just can't listen to some of the bullshit these guys are spouting anymore.
Once I am done building the hot tub I should be back to my regular workout and Jiu-jitsu schedual. If you can call it regular as there is alwase shit coming up to disrupt it. My complete lack of conviction past a few days or weeks still bugs the shit out of me. It is hard for me to stay motivated for things unless there will be a quick reward or pay off. Its so very western of me to do so but I really wish I wasn't.
Oh so I talked to my ex-wife the other night and am still more confused eveytime I deal with her. I just don't know what I am supposed to do about her anymore. And on the old topic I keep thinking about two of the woman I used to date/fool around with. The one I am talking to again and the other who won't talk to me because I got married to Kim and not her. Its the later I keep finding myself thinking of when I am mastubating. Its sad cause I am not in love with either of them I think it is more just that I lost my chance to make something with them. Not that I have been able to make anything ever work. I am just to much of a dabler. I really love to romance a woman and make her feel like the queen of the world I truely do hold them up to but for somereason once the challange is gone I lose interest to soon. I mean heck my longetst relationship, other than my ex-wife which was by law a lot longer, is four months as long as you don't count Sue here in Iraq who has been more of a fuck buddy with a lot of campanionship due to the circumstances. To be honest if we weren't in a war zone with very limited woman around I would have moved on a long time ago.
Its sad that I can see what is wrong with me and want to change it and have no ability to. Wow I have to say that this brain dump has been more open and honest than anything I have ever been able to just put down and to so many people I do not and will probably never know. I am not shy but yet this is not what I write in my other blogs about since they are open source and anyone can find them but this is sort of exclusive and I fear not of judgment as everyone here is at least somewhat likeminded to be here in SG. Well I am exausted and need a shower so I think I will call it for tonight. If there is anyone besides Poledanver out there reading this I hope you aren't to scared. And thanks again to poledancer for being my muse of sorts by makeing me realize that someone may actually be out there reading this.
-Zack-