suggie

Went and saw my grandfather at the hospital last night. He's not doing very good. Its really hard to see a man that was so strong for so long almost widdled away to nothing. Theres been days when he's there and days when he's been somewhere else, those days have become moments now. We were never as close as I'd have liked us to be but thats the type of man he was really, firm and to himself. We talked and did lots together but he was never the type to open up. Always there when you needed him but never willing to show his insides. In all honesty I don't know that I want to live as long as he has, see so much and to have witnessed so much and lost everyone that was close to you. 93 yrs is a long time, theres moments when I feel that I've let things pass me by but then I think I haven't been here more than 1/3 the time he has spent here. Emotion is a tricky thing, I can see how hard it has been on my mother and I don't know who I'm supposed to be at times. I refuse to feel bad for the man because I don't believe that he would want that from me, often I have to hold up my mom, other than my sister and I he is the only family she truly has left. My sister gets mad because she thinks I'm insensitive but she has he own way of dealing with things as well. Feels good to get some thoughts of my chest though for sure Months became years but those years have become days now, it really doesn't get any easier even knowing that if has become when. . .