sugarpill

look at what i did: http://rollerghoul.nerv-un.net/finished/Roxor04_final.jpg

i'm such an effing lightweight now. i had four glasses of absente and i couldn't even finish the last one. i was just physically incapable of drinking anymore. it was only two am, and the bottle has enough for two or three more drinks. clearly, doing this alone was not a successful idea. but it was fun. so why the fuck am i up so...
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wow. i thought last week was bad...

planning to have an absente party this weekend. probably saturday night. play some music and finish off the bottle of absente that has been calling to me all week. since i have no friends, though, it'll just be me, all by my lonesome.

this week was brutal. just effing brutal.

SOMETIMES.
i miss being a dj. i miss being sexy and cool. i miss being social, getting drunk, talking to people instead of myself. i miss people-watching. i miss dancing, and music so loud that i can feel it in my chest, and the smell of cigarettes. i miss being greeted by people with a handshake and a smile, instead of verbal abuse or someone's...
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i've been so busy i haven't been able to check up on things. four hot new sets. almost too good to be true. it kinda miffs me that Portia had two sets waiting to go up, two sets full of great images, and she quit before they went up. but at least i got to see them. Robin is SO hot. i wonder if they...
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trapped + ashamed

i'm giving serious thought (again) to having something tattooed down my spine. i just don't know what.

why is it that i have to get this low before anyone will pay attention to me? why isn't anybody there for me /before/ i want to kill myself? by the time i'm ready to slit my wrists the attention i get seems fake, forced, and patronizing.

as i watch, in my rapt kind of adoration
reality bends around her
like light through a glass of water

and i feel like i'm standing in a huge field
watching the sun go black