i just came home from a night out with my work colleagues...they all got real drunk but i was driving. probably very good job i didnt get drunk cos the way im feeling i would do something stupid. i totally slashed my arms and legs up yesterday. it hurts to walk. my friend from work kept slapping me on the leg...i had to wince and smile 
my b'f has friends over and they're getting more and more drunk. he is happy they're here tho and drinking is his fave thing. he has been very down lately but he doesnt tell me. he waits until its really bad. only happened twice since we been together (2 yrs). he has been looking at pornography on the net and i found out (cos im a psycho snooping bitch). i cannot stand men that have g'fs and look at porn - its obviously cos they arent happy with their partners and how they look. he has always said that he hayes porn and says the women who pose are cheep and nasty. and i found he'd been looking at it. he said its cos he was so down and wanted to feel horrible and nothing makes him feel as bad as looking at porn, that it makes him feel disgusting and thats why he was looking at it. to feel bad. to hurt himself.
how can a man look at pictures of naked women with their legs spread and not get excited. how can he not get hard. how can he not jack off to the slags with their insides on display? he promises on his grandma's life he didnt enjoy it or wank to it. i do believe him. but i cant stop having visions of him sat at my computer searching google for porn. and this was whilst i was on nights. getting verbal abuse from wankers.
he decorated my room with glittery hearts hanging from the ceiling and all stuff like that for valentines day. it was beautiful.i was so touched. i was gonna keep them up forever to remind me how much he loves me. that's until i found out that he decorated my room then went and looked at porn. i ripped it all down and ripped up my card. was he hurrying to decorate the room so he could scuttle off to look at pussy? totally ruined valentines day.
i know i look at porn but that's cos we have no sex life - which is HIS choice. and i have a high sex drive which he knows. he is the one who never wants it and has a low sex drive. if he wants it its there. guess he dont want it with me. cos im fat.
i said that if he wanted to feel disgusting he could have looked at granny porn or them obese women. that would have grossed him out and made him feel disgusting for looking at it. but no. instead he looked at thin women with big boobs. which he likes. so when you're trying to punish yourself why look at images you enjoy? each one was think women. no wonder he dont want me. cos im a fat ugly pig.
i hate to think of him enjoying it but i dont know if i can believe him when he says he didnt.
anyone who's read all this drivel will no doubt think im neurotic and over reacting. but it wouldnt have hurt more if he'd have actually fucked someone else. if you look at other women and wanna fuck them thats as good as doing it. he should have eyes only for me. if im the most beautiful woman in the world like he says then why look at others?
fucking weak men ruled by their cocks.
walking abortions. the lot of them.
my b'f has friends over and they're getting more and more drunk. he is happy they're here tho and drinking is his fave thing. he has been very down lately but he doesnt tell me. he waits until its really bad. only happened twice since we been together (2 yrs). he has been looking at pornography on the net and i found out (cos im a psycho snooping bitch). i cannot stand men that have g'fs and look at porn - its obviously cos they arent happy with their partners and how they look. he has always said that he hayes porn and says the women who pose are cheep and nasty. and i found he'd been looking at it. he said its cos he was so down and wanted to feel horrible and nothing makes him feel as bad as looking at porn, that it makes him feel disgusting and thats why he was looking at it. to feel bad. to hurt himself.
how can a man look at pictures of naked women with their legs spread and not get excited. how can he not get hard. how can he not jack off to the slags with their insides on display? he promises on his grandma's life he didnt enjoy it or wank to it. i do believe him. but i cant stop having visions of him sat at my computer searching google for porn. and this was whilst i was on nights. getting verbal abuse from wankers.
he decorated my room with glittery hearts hanging from the ceiling and all stuff like that for valentines day. it was beautiful.i was so touched. i was gonna keep them up forever to remind me how much he loves me. that's until i found out that he decorated my room then went and looked at porn. i ripped it all down and ripped up my card. was he hurrying to decorate the room so he could scuttle off to look at pussy? totally ruined valentines day.
i know i look at porn but that's cos we have no sex life - which is HIS choice. and i have a high sex drive which he knows. he is the one who never wants it and has a low sex drive. if he wants it its there. guess he dont want it with me. cos im fat.
i said that if he wanted to feel disgusting he could have looked at granny porn or them obese women. that would have grossed him out and made him feel disgusting for looking at it. but no. instead he looked at thin women with big boobs. which he likes. so when you're trying to punish yourself why look at images you enjoy? each one was think women. no wonder he dont want me. cos im a fat ugly pig.
i hate to think of him enjoying it but i dont know if i can believe him when he says he didnt.
anyone who's read all this drivel will no doubt think im neurotic and over reacting. but it wouldnt have hurt more if he'd have actually fucked someone else. if you look at other women and wanna fuck them thats as good as doing it. he should have eyes only for me. if im the most beautiful woman in the world like he says then why look at others?
fucking weak men ruled by their cocks.
walking abortions. the lot of them.
stgeorge:
Reading this really does upset me. You know how much I think and care about your well being, and to see you've harmed yourself again really makes me sad. You know you couldn't be further from the truth in how you describe yourself, you are a beautiful lady. I can see things aren't going to well at the moment, and to think it was only last week you were happy and smiley after seeing Green Day. You know I'm always available to talk to whenever you require. Love you xx
beaky:
My cock and I have a 50/50 agreement