The Easter Bunny is of course a linchpin of the Christian celebration of Easter, the alleged anniversary of the alleged resurrection of the alleged Messiah, Jeshua Ben Joseph. Origins of the rabbit's role in the holiday stem from the New Testament descriptions of the resurrection, as in for example this passage from the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 28:
1 In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre.
2 And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it in a basket.
3 His countenance was like pink plastic grass, and his raiment white as snow:
4 His ears a full cubit in length, his teeth like tiles
5 And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men.
6 And the angel answered and said unto them, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek colored eggs deftly conceal'd.
7 They are not here. Come, see the place where the Lord laid them.
--excerpt from Chris Clarke
---with annotation by Michael Brub
"And the angel answered and said unto them, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek colored eggs deftly conceal'd."
This is the King James you're working with, right? Because the Revised Standard Version (RSV) has "I know that you seek the Son of Man's hidden Cadbury Eggs." Not to start a religious war or anything, but recent scholarship on the New Testament suggests that the Apostles ate only Cadbury eggs, and that the tradition of coloring eggs _ and thus of the entire Eastern Orthodox branch of the Church _ was invented much later, in the third century BCE. The original reason for the Apostles' preference is not known, but personally, I believe it has something to do with the whiteness and stickiness of the Cadbury creme filling.
And thus, much to the dismay of Peter Cottontail, the rabbit has taken on right wing(tail?) religious conservative agendas
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul,
cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.
ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's
a killer!
???: Get stuffed!
TIM: It'll do you a trick, mate!
???: Oh, yeah?
ROBIN: You monkey's scot's get!
TIM: I'm warning you!
ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?
TIM: He's got huge, sharp-- he can leap about-- look at the
bones!
ARTHUR: Go on, Boris. Chop his head off!
BORIS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin'
right up!
TIM: Look!
[squeak]
BORIS: Aaaugh!
[chord]
ARTHUR: Jesus Christ!
TIM: I warned you!
ROBIN: I peed again!
TIM: I warned you! But did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew
it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't
it? Well, it's always the same, I always--
ARTHUR: Oh, shut up!
TIM: --But do they listen to me?--
ARTHUR: Right!
TIM: -Oh, no--
KNIGHTS: Charge!
[squeak squeak]
KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh! etc.
KNIGHTS: Run away! Run away!
TIM: Haw haw haw. Haw haw haw. Haw haw.
ARTHUR: Right. How many did we lose?
???: Gawain.
???: Hector.
ARTHUR: And Boris. That's five.
GALAHAD: Three, sir.
ARTHUR: Three. Three. And we'd better not risk another frontal
assault, that rabbit's dynamite.
ROBIN: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?
ARTHUR: Oh, shut up and go and change your armor.
GALAHAD: Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will
make a mistake.
ARTHUR: Like what?
GALAHAD: Well,....
ARTHUR: Have we got bows?
???: No.
LAUNCELOT: We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
ARTHUR: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis
one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him! Brother
Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
[singing]
How does it, uh... how does it work?
???: I know not, my liege.
???: Consult the Book of Armaments!
MAYNARD: Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One.
BROTHER: "And Saint Atila raised the hand grenade up on high,
saying, 'Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou
mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord
did grin, and people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and
carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and
fruit bats, and large --"
MAYNARD: Skip a bit, Brother.
BROTHER: "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out
the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.
Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the
counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either
count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is
right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be
reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards
thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'"
MAYNARD: Amen.
ALL: Amen.
ARTHUR: Right! One... two... five!
???: Three, sir!
ARTHUR: Three!
[boom]
Fuck Easter.
So on a peach of a saturday I went to the Roller Derby with PunkNiteMike, Pammy, pammy's friend Tommy, timber_, and modvayne
Great god almighty, I watched the Brawlers with much delight as i have found the creme filling to my cadbury egg.
I enjoyed the art show afterwards at Stained Skin. The maligned banter and witty reparte was quite congruous emanating from Meow
"were you reading the dictionary?' "Oh, you got me, I sometimes like to break a mental sweat too"
And there was Taco Bell.
Despite local folklore, the late night bastion of tastiness does NOT induce fornication but rather diminishes the necessity for lascivious behaviors due to the gestational performances that are sometimes associated with the mastication of beans.
So was i "used" as i ran to the border? Sure, but its ok because i like the abuse.
and that my dear compatriots of blogger nation was my sensational weekend
