Stop panicking. I'm not dead.
Ah, I don't even know what to write tonight.
Everything is so good... the people who choose to be stay a part of my life make me happy.. work is fine.. I found sweet, good and beautiful love and he's moving into my bedroom next week (!!), ChuckNorris is getting so big and calming down and my hair is getting long again. I've decided to get a membership to the YMCA, young man, and try my best to get back into decent shape with the help of a little Jillybean down the way anddddd... Ryan Adams' "Wonderwall" just came on the radio, which makes me smile because I've never heard it played on air before and it's excellent. All of these good things... yet...
I'm an a bad mood and it's because of people like... well, what's the use of giving a name when it's not even his own?
All of his sobbing and wishing and moaning about how he wants the world to be does not change the way it -is- and the fact that most of his ideals about people and life are hypocritical in more ways that I even have the patience to list. He wants connections? He should do more to fucking keep them. He wants love and expansion and understanding and evolution and indulgence from people? Then he ought to accept and recognize it when he -does- have it. He ought to fucking embrace it instead of completey discarding it and then crying about how 'distinct' people like him will never have all that they crave from others in this lifetime.
All the while, everything he needs could be laying in front of him batting eyelashes and he'd be too busy planning the next poetic prewritten response that's been rattled off to charm a thousand others to even take note.
Rawness and truth hold much more merit when they're exclusive.
Ideas are more exciting when you feel like you're the one who inspired them and secrets aren't secrets anymore when they're rehearsed for heartstopping effect.
To that little boy:
Practice what you preach and 'stay cute' because that's all it comes down to when all the rest crashes with reality and there's only bones.
AND
To Jason:
Thankyou for being the perfect person for me to love.
You'll be in my heart right 'til the living end, boyfriend.
-J. <3
Ah, I don't even know what to write tonight.
Everything is so good... the people who choose to be stay a part of my life make me happy.. work is fine.. I found sweet, good and beautiful love and he's moving into my bedroom next week (!!), ChuckNorris is getting so big and calming down and my hair is getting long again. I've decided to get a membership to the YMCA, young man, and try my best to get back into decent shape with the help of a little Jillybean down the way anddddd... Ryan Adams' "Wonderwall" just came on the radio, which makes me smile because I've never heard it played on air before and it's excellent. All of these good things... yet...
I'm an a bad mood and it's because of people like... well, what's the use of giving a name when it's not even his own?
All of his sobbing and wishing and moaning about how he wants the world to be does not change the way it -is- and the fact that most of his ideals about people and life are hypocritical in more ways that I even have the patience to list. He wants connections? He should do more to fucking keep them. He wants love and expansion and understanding and evolution and indulgence from people? Then he ought to accept and recognize it when he -does- have it. He ought to fucking embrace it instead of completey discarding it and then crying about how 'distinct' people like him will never have all that they crave from others in this lifetime.
All the while, everything he needs could be laying in front of him batting eyelashes and he'd be too busy planning the next poetic prewritten response that's been rattled off to charm a thousand others to even take note.
Rawness and truth hold much more merit when they're exclusive.
Ideas are more exciting when you feel like you're the one who inspired them and secrets aren't secrets anymore when they're rehearsed for heartstopping effect.
To that little boy:
Practice what you preach and 'stay cute' because that's all it comes down to when all the rest crashes with reality and there's only bones.
AND
To Jason:
Thankyou for being the perfect person for me to love.
You'll be in my heart right 'til the living end, boyfriend.
-J. <3