substitute

Here's a handy tip. I went on a soda refill run and had two cups. One had a little Dr. Pepper residue in it, the other had the end of a Mountain Dew in it. I handed them to the carnie (not Wilson) separately and she refilled them. And yes, she still managed to put Dr. Pepper in the Mountain Dew one and Mountain Dew in the Dr. Pepper one. That's not a good combo. You know how some kids will use the self-serve fountain at Subway or McDonald's and mix a little of every flavor? They're insane. That's not good. Those kids need to be bludgeoned.

I spent eight and a half hours at a county fair yesterday. My IQ dropped 94 points just watching these people. A county fair is basically a trailer park, except you pay to get in and the trailers all sell fried dough of some sort. You know you're at a county fair when two ladies admire each other's clothes and then ask, "Which Shopko did YOU get that at?"

I saw not one but TWO guys hooked up to oxygen tanks...smoking. Now there's a committment to a slow death.

Larry Walker would fit right in at the county fair. They actually had, and I wish I had a camera with me to prove this, a Rascal scooter with "off-road tires" on it. Because Grandpa needs to go offroading and the truck is just too cumbersome, apparently.

There was a very obviously mentally challenged young man whose job it was to blow up the balloons for the carnival game where they tape the balloons to the board and you throw darts at it to break the balloons and win fabulous (cheap) prizes. He was working hard, and anybody who works hard needs to be commended. The point is that he had a Cubs hat on.

This just proves the point I'm constantly trying to make. Even mentally challenged people are smart enough to not root for the Cardinals and White Sox.