ok then. i really try not to whine about my meaningless problems in here cuz i know it makes me come off as lame, cuz surely no ones interested in it, and because generally the best response one can hope for is like "hope you feel better soon" which doesnt help in the least so i figure why bother. but after my last entry i suppose i should at least explain whats on my mind.
i have felt horrible for like the past week or so, but with no cause. i have no real problems, everything is basically good. ive got no right to complain about anything. but this stupid bastard retard brain of mine, for some reason, isnt letting me enjoy anything. and then on top of that, its actually making me feel guilty because i have so much that i should be grateful for but for some reason it doesnt make me happy.
it also occured to me recently that, having finished high school now, i have done absolutely nothing that i should have done. ive done everything that i HAD to do, acedemically, but i am now technically an adult and i have done none of the things that your supposed to do when your growing up. i have never been on a date, ive never been to a party, i dont even have anybody that i hang out with on a regular basis. i spent all my time alone in my room in front of tv screens.
so now thats finished and i have no friends to celebrate graduation with, no highschool sweetheart to marry. just a comfortable, fairly well off life that i cant seem to enjoy simply because i dont have anyone to enjoy it with.
i have felt horrible for like the past week or so, but with no cause. i have no real problems, everything is basically good. ive got no right to complain about anything. but this stupid bastard retard brain of mine, for some reason, isnt letting me enjoy anything. and then on top of that, its actually making me feel guilty because i have so much that i should be grateful for but for some reason it doesnt make me happy.
it also occured to me recently that, having finished high school now, i have done absolutely nothing that i should have done. ive done everything that i HAD to do, acedemically, but i am now technically an adult and i have done none of the things that your supposed to do when your growing up. i have never been on a date, ive never been to a party, i dont even have anybody that i hang out with on a regular basis. i spent all my time alone in my room in front of tv screens.
so now thats finished and i have no friends to celebrate graduation with, no highschool sweetheart to marry. just a comfortable, fairly well off life that i cant seem to enjoy simply because i dont have anyone to enjoy it with.
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Never expect to meet perfect friends, but you will meet some damn good ones, there is no worse feeling than thinking you don't fit in somewhere, but usually it is your own insecurities that make you think you don't fit
There is no worse feeling than feeling alone and low, but all i can suggest is that you are still so young and things will get better, only now at 21 do i feel like i truely know myself and what i want, it was a tough trip getting here and it's still tough now, but i did it and you can too! Things will get better, i promise, so just go out there and try something new!
Hope you are doing alright!