Read an e-mail from an old acquaintance this morning; we had recently updated each other on our goings-on, in life and in education. I think I had mentioned something about not wanting to settle for just a math major, I want to learn everything I can, why stop at one subject?... and got this as a reply:
It's too bad you don't know what you want to do with your life. Your kind of intelligence could make you really wealthy and allow you the possibility to do only things you enjoy.
*sigh*
Why do people- more importantly, why does she- feel that wealth/career should be my goals in going to school? Can't learning be an end unto itself? And why is having an interest in lots of things a signifier that "I don't know what to do with my life"?
I have always loved learning. (Sounds funny coming from a junior-high drop-out, maybe, but hey... ) It is what I want to do. Therefore, I am already doing what I enjoy without having to first create "wealth." Everything else in my life may be in disarray- scared of girls, whatever- but damn, this is one place where I'm pretty confident. Why do I get second-guessed?
I feel like I have some kind of mortal flaw in not caring if I ever make money off of what I'm learning. I'm not an ascetic by any means- I sure have managed to have a cornucopia of material goodies in my life without having lots of money. If I can have the goodies, if I can have the education... why should I stress myself out by going for big cash?
Anyway. Sorry for the rant. It's kind of an expected thing from my friend; she's always projected this vision on me of being able to achieve things that she thinks are important, and I've usually kind of shrugged it off. It just felt like a slap in the face when I read that line this morning. I've pulled myself way up from where I was 12 years ago, from being homeless and living in a broken-down car, to having a 2-bedroom apartment filled to the brim with lots of neat things, libraries of books and movies and games, paying cash to go to school where I get a 4.0 in everything I take... and apparently, I'm directionless and not fulfilling some kind of arbitrary potential.
Sometimes, I wonder if her projection isn't a self-projection...
It's too bad you don't know what you want to do with your life. Your kind of intelligence could make you really wealthy and allow you the possibility to do only things you enjoy.
*sigh*
Why do people- more importantly, why does she- feel that wealth/career should be my goals in going to school? Can't learning be an end unto itself? And why is having an interest in lots of things a signifier that "I don't know what to do with my life"?
I have always loved learning. (Sounds funny coming from a junior-high drop-out, maybe, but hey... ) It is what I want to do. Therefore, I am already doing what I enjoy without having to first create "wealth." Everything else in my life may be in disarray- scared of girls, whatever- but damn, this is one place where I'm pretty confident. Why do I get second-guessed?
I feel like I have some kind of mortal flaw in not caring if I ever make money off of what I'm learning. I'm not an ascetic by any means- I sure have managed to have a cornucopia of material goodies in my life without having lots of money. If I can have the goodies, if I can have the education... why should I stress myself out by going for big cash?
Anyway. Sorry for the rant. It's kind of an expected thing from my friend; she's always projected this vision on me of being able to achieve things that she thinks are important, and I've usually kind of shrugged it off. It just felt like a slap in the face when I read that line this morning. I've pulled myself way up from where I was 12 years ago, from being homeless and living in a broken-down car, to having a 2-bedroom apartment filled to the brim with lots of neat things, libraries of books and movies and games, paying cash to go to school where I get a 4.0 in everything I take... and apparently, I'm directionless and not fulfilling some kind of arbitrary potential.
Sometimes, I wonder if her projection isn't a self-projection...
Most of the time, when someone says something negative about your goals, they're really only talking about how they feel about themselves. It doesn't have anything to do with you. It sounds like you're right about the self-projection.
Keep it up! You rock!