So, a few days after my last journal post, I sent a long, rambling, but much-thought-out letter to Heather F., setting out my position concerning "us." It'll be interesting to see what she has to say next time I get to talk to her; she tends to hate the more emotional, from-the-heart e-mails, but I'd been suffering a bit of l'esprit d'escalier since I'd last spoken to her, and needed to get things off of my chest.
I do get the feeling that I'll be single again by the end of the year, regardless of how heartfelt my letter was. She seems to feel that, while the relationship is rewarding when it's active, it's impossible to properly balance life and love. Granted, I'd rather not be single again (and not just for the sake of wanting to be "in love," but because I really dig her because of who she is, and I'm selfish enough to want her in my life), but I don't have that sense of devastation at impending problems. Fluttery stomach at times, but for once I'm not putting myself down, thinking I'm at fault, etc. There amazingly continues to be some semblance of self-esteem and/or -confidence in my head.
So, anyway. Random crap from life:
The day-after-Thanksgiving went fairly smooth at work; only once did I need to do gymnastics to keep the crowd going (hoisted myself onto a display of TVs and ran across to stop some guys from breaking the shrinkwrap). I splurged a little and bought myself a portable DVD player/monitor. Nothing spectacular, but it fits into my unused backpack pocket-- I can take a movie with me to school or something.
Splurged a lot more last weekend, upgrading my computer with a DVD burner, a new HD; tried to get some memory, but the company website and my computer's instruction book both recommended an improper type of RAM-- the damn thing won't fit in the slot, and I can't figure out what type of motherboard I've got to research the correct type. Anyway-- it's neat being a little more modern, burning dual-layer DVDs and finally copying my OOP CDs so that they avoid further damage in my car. After buying my stuff, realized I'd forgotten basics (recordable CDs and DVDs) and stopped by Wal-Mart, passing by the line of Nintendo Wii shoppers outside. I recognized one guy, a coworker, and went to make fun of him for being out there freezing, and heard "Robert!" Turned, and realized I recognized a good 50% of the line; fellow mentors at school, classmates, coworkers, friends of friends.
Two boosts recently. The first occured with my students a week or so ago; a student and I were talking before class about movies, and we began discussing amateur stuff. He was telling me about some Friday-the-13th clone made by guys "our age." Since the class is comprised of freshman who just finished high school, I asked him what he meant by "our age." "Oh, like 19 or 20." "How old do you think I am?" "You're 22 or so, right?" A-hahahaha. It wasn't just him, though; the girls sitting nearby were taken aback as well, and I ended up having to show my driver's license before they believed me. For the rest of the session, as more students came in, they'd pounce and ask the recent arrival how old they thought I was; the oldest was 24 (a girl who'd remembered me mentioning having an ex-wife).
The second boost was similar, but with a new girl at work. A girl that, in the interests of full disclosure, I'd found quite pleasant to look at, a gothy-looking thing. She'd picked up that we were probably into similar music, movies, books, and we'd become friendly, taking breaks together, etc. Every once in a while, she'd look a little surprised when I would mention something vaguely "old," like an ex-wife, or having had a cat that lived to 24, or whatever. I knew she was younger, but at every look of shock, I'd revise my idea of her age down while she revised mine up. Eventually we compared ages-- she was 19, and thought I was "a cool older guy, like 23." *cough* Anyway; for me, a date's out of the picture now, but she's turning out to be a pretty spunky little friend to have around... and it's confusing the hell out of all of the single, young guys at work. And it's nice to have someone flirting with me to keep me from sinking into some kind of loathing for the Heather situation.
The cat's gone from cuddly to plain annoying in the last few weeks; she's attempting to assert some sort of dominance over the household, clearly challenging me on occasion. I feel like I'm training a male dog. Unfortunately, I'm not home often enough to maintain a cohesive dominance, which means that I may end up not keeping the cat.
I do get the feeling that I'll be single again by the end of the year, regardless of how heartfelt my letter was. She seems to feel that, while the relationship is rewarding when it's active, it's impossible to properly balance life and love. Granted, I'd rather not be single again (and not just for the sake of wanting to be "in love," but because I really dig her because of who she is, and I'm selfish enough to want her in my life), but I don't have that sense of devastation at impending problems. Fluttery stomach at times, but for once I'm not putting myself down, thinking I'm at fault, etc. There amazingly continues to be some semblance of self-esteem and/or -confidence in my head.
So, anyway. Random crap from life:
The day-after-Thanksgiving went fairly smooth at work; only once did I need to do gymnastics to keep the crowd going (hoisted myself onto a display of TVs and ran across to stop some guys from breaking the shrinkwrap). I splurged a little and bought myself a portable DVD player/monitor. Nothing spectacular, but it fits into my unused backpack pocket-- I can take a movie with me to school or something.
Splurged a lot more last weekend, upgrading my computer with a DVD burner, a new HD; tried to get some memory, but the company website and my computer's instruction book both recommended an improper type of RAM-- the damn thing won't fit in the slot, and I can't figure out what type of motherboard I've got to research the correct type. Anyway-- it's neat being a little more modern, burning dual-layer DVDs and finally copying my OOP CDs so that they avoid further damage in my car. After buying my stuff, realized I'd forgotten basics (recordable CDs and DVDs) and stopped by Wal-Mart, passing by the line of Nintendo Wii shoppers outside. I recognized one guy, a coworker, and went to make fun of him for being out there freezing, and heard "Robert!" Turned, and realized I recognized a good 50% of the line; fellow mentors at school, classmates, coworkers, friends of friends.
Two boosts recently. The first occured with my students a week or so ago; a student and I were talking before class about movies, and we began discussing amateur stuff. He was telling me about some Friday-the-13th clone made by guys "our age." Since the class is comprised of freshman who just finished high school, I asked him what he meant by "our age." "Oh, like 19 or 20." "How old do you think I am?" "You're 22 or so, right?" A-hahahaha. It wasn't just him, though; the girls sitting nearby were taken aback as well, and I ended up having to show my driver's license before they believed me. For the rest of the session, as more students came in, they'd pounce and ask the recent arrival how old they thought I was; the oldest was 24 (a girl who'd remembered me mentioning having an ex-wife).
The second boost was similar, but with a new girl at work. A girl that, in the interests of full disclosure, I'd found quite pleasant to look at, a gothy-looking thing. She'd picked up that we were probably into similar music, movies, books, and we'd become friendly, taking breaks together, etc. Every once in a while, she'd look a little surprised when I would mention something vaguely "old," like an ex-wife, or having had a cat that lived to 24, or whatever. I knew she was younger, but at every look of shock, I'd revise my idea of her age down while she revised mine up. Eventually we compared ages-- she was 19, and thought I was "a cool older guy, like 23." *cough* Anyway; for me, a date's out of the picture now, but she's turning out to be a pretty spunky little friend to have around... and it's confusing the hell out of all of the single, young guys at work. And it's nice to have someone flirting with me to keep me from sinking into some kind of loathing for the Heather situation.
The cat's gone from cuddly to plain annoying in the last few weeks; she's attempting to assert some sort of dominance over the household, clearly challenging me on occasion. I feel like I'm training a male dog. Unfortunately, I'm not home often enough to maintain a cohesive dominance, which means that I may end up not keeping the cat.
But what brought me to your page was not semi-lecherous antics
As for Jucifer, unfortunately both times I've seen them live they sucked ass. Their buhzillion amps schtick is impressive at first, but you couldn't hear the vox or the drums (!) either time... 2 years apart, and in different clubs! I mean, Amber is nice to look at in a Bratz! doll sort of way, but I want to hear her voice!