stuck_e

ARGH!!!!!! that is the basic feeling. I have been so stressed of late we finally lost someone at work, they gave D the boot on Tuesday. So at least I can feel better about not being on the chopping block at work. However I am still going nuts over money issues right now, Chelle says she needs to find a job, but I don't see it working. There is no way that we can make it work. We have no family that is up here that is able to help watch Logan, most nights I don't get home from work until after 6 and then I am dog ass tired so if she got work at nights it would have to be something close to home where she could go in at like 8, but then if she works all night and then has to be up with Logan during the day it is going to wear her slap out and not to mention me working all day and then taking night shift which i do on weekends but don't know if I could do it after a long day at work. We finally got WIC going so that is a HUGE help, but I was one fucking day late getting him signed up for my insurance so now we have to wait until open enrollment, so we applied for Peachcare and hope that will work out, it would be hella cheaper than insurance through work. We also applied for food stamps, which I have a feeling we are going to be denied for, which really pisses me off, I am not wanting money or a check, I am just needing help... there are way too many sorry ass mother fuckers out there wo abuse the system and get a free fucking ride, here I am just needing a hand for a few months until Chelle goes back to work and it is like trying to pull goddamn teeth. It is not like we are just not working I am working but Chelle is staying home because there is no way we could afford daycare for an infant. as soon as he can go and not cost us more than she would bring home we will do it, until then I am pulling everything, and yes I could drop my insurance and not have to worry as much.... ok drop my health coverage get the extra 200 per check and then worry about paying for my meds again? no way, I would just not take them so I could feed my wife and child, but oh yeah I'd also FUCKING DIE!!!!

I swear I get to thinking about all of this stuff and I start going nuts, I just want to fucking punch a hole through a damn wall. I am flying by the seat of my pants not knowing what the fuck to do, I just keep telling myself it will all work out, but to be honest I don't trust that anymore. right now I have 89 buck to last me until next friday, and we are out of a bunch of stuff and need to go to the grocery store, if I spend more than that 89 buck my rent check will bounce, so I am just getting the things we NEED.

One thing I need is some fucking sex, that is always how I dealt with stress and I understand that Chelle is not ready for that ayet and I am trying to be respectful of that, but fuck I am going nuts and need to blow off some steam somehow, and masterbation has loss it's usefulness a LONG time ago.

But having a paid day off is great I spent almost the entire day holding Logan and feeding him and playing with him and I could not ask for better. He is worth all of the stress, even when he is screaming at the top of his lungs for no other reason than he is fighting sleep.

Oh well.... I'm a driver, I'm a winner.... Things are gonna change I can feel it.