Yesterday I went out and got Requim For A Dream. Such a good movie. Also got Static-x and A Perfect Circle. Then I went to my old pet store and went and saw all my little scaly reptile friends. 
I also saw Jason there so I talked to him for a while. Then went to Ricky's house and chilled there for like 3 hours. Cool to see that fucker again. Then went to BK and ate in the parking lot. By the time I was done it was close to midnight, so I drove back here.
I do most of my thinking when I'm alone in my car at night driving for a length of time. Half the time I forget what it was that I was thinking about though. I usually drift off and day dream as well. Most of the time I dont much like what I see. Last night I was just thinking about how much I wish I had someone to hold me close. It has been so long since I've felt embraced in someones arms. The boy within me crying out for attention came to the surface last night..and I despised it.
I feel so weak, fragile, and pathetic when I feel it. It drives me crazy, and I couldn't stop thinking of it. I don't want to feel like I need to have someone to hold me, to love me, to even want me. I don't want the famous "L" word. I want to simply live my life without wanting any of it.
But life doesn't work this easy of course. Bcause regardless of what I would like to feel; I'm going to feel whatever my heart tells me to. Regardless of however many more scars my heart endures, it will always tell me how to feel. My heart will be nothing but a lump of scar tissue and it will still continue on it's pointless path of love.
However, this does not mean that my mind will not have a say in anything. My mind is growing every day and becoming more influential all the time. Perhaps one day my mind will win over my heart and all will be well. My mind has come very far within the past few months, although I feel the battle is far from over. One day I'd like to see my mind come out victorious. Only time will tell.
OK I think that's enough bitching for now. On a different topic...I really need to get laid damnit!
. It's been to long for that as well. Oh well right? (no) But I'll have to deal.
But anyway...I think I'm off to the bank. To however reads this...have a good day people!
I also saw Jason there so I talked to him for a while. Then went to Ricky's house and chilled there for like 3 hours. Cool to see that fucker again. Then went to BK and ate in the parking lot. By the time I was done it was close to midnight, so I drove back here.
I do most of my thinking when I'm alone in my car at night driving for a length of time. Half the time I forget what it was that I was thinking about though. I usually drift off and day dream as well. Most of the time I dont much like what I see. Last night I was just thinking about how much I wish I had someone to hold me close. It has been so long since I've felt embraced in someones arms. The boy within me crying out for attention came to the surface last night..and I despised it.
I feel so weak, fragile, and pathetic when I feel it. It drives me crazy, and I couldn't stop thinking of it. I don't want to feel like I need to have someone to hold me, to love me, to even want me. I don't want the famous "L" word. I want to simply live my life without wanting any of it.
But life doesn't work this easy of course. Bcause regardless of what I would like to feel; I'm going to feel whatever my heart tells me to. Regardless of however many more scars my heart endures, it will always tell me how to feel. My heart will be nothing but a lump of scar tissue and it will still continue on it's pointless path of love.
However, this does not mean that my mind will not have a say in anything. My mind is growing every day and becoming more influential all the time. Perhaps one day my mind will win over my heart and all will be well. My mind has come very far within the past few months, although I feel the battle is far from over. One day I'd like to see my mind come out victorious. Only time will tell.
OK I think that's enough bitching for now. On a different topic...I really need to get laid damnit!
. It's been to long for that as well. Oh well right? (no) But I'll have to deal.
But anyway...I think I'm off to the bank. To however reads this...have a good day people!
It takes a while, but...time really does heal all wounds. Oh, how cliche of me, I know, but...it's true. You'll be fine in due time.
As for talking to people in Alabama, I talk to crazy people all over the country all day. It's my job. And I'm convinced that very few of those bastards down in Alabama speak any form of intelligible English.
I don't understand any of their babble, I just say, "Ok, thank you for your time." and hang up...