strelnikov

I update this so often, don't I? I need to get things off my back. My girlfriend broke up with me a week and a half ago (Sunday, March 9). She was bored, I didn't care enough, apparently. I'll be the first to admit that could be true. It was iffy ever since last September when I shipped off for my second year of college. Our relationship started deteriorating, she was unhappy without me and complained about everything. Eventually I got pretty sick of it and more or less told her to shut up with her bitching. I don't think it was ever the same after that. We hung on for several more months, we had some good times over my vacations, but we started fighting more and more, and we were less and less able to reconcile in a satisfactory manner. We would forget our issues with each other and have fun together, but we'd never really reconcile.

Then it happened at the end of my spring break, I sobbed on and off for the entire six-hour drive. I got pulled over and could hardly contain myself, the cop could tell I was upset about something, no sympathy though. It's been almost 2 weeks now. I feel happy, really, truly happy for the first time since probably November. I realize she was bringing me down. I realize this is good. I do not want her back. The problem is these memories I have, the feelings for her that linger, melting away far too slowly with every heartbeat. I want to talk to her, I want to be her friend, like I was for the 7 months between when we met and when we started dating. She's the best friend I've ever had and I can't possibly lose that. We're on our way, but it's uncomfortable knowing what I know about her and feeling the way I do while trying to hold a conversation.

This is so fucked.