strandell

Wife: Sir, don't stand in front of the cupcakes. YOU'RE CAKE BLOCKING ME. To a fat girl, that's so much worse than a cock block. Seriously.

Hahahaha, I thought I'd die.

New slogan for mutes: "Some things are better left unsaid."

Khakis are to cool pants what math students are to cool people.

Is it self-centered to believe that the only reason other people exercise is to make me feel bad about myself?

Just sayin'

All's fair in love and war. Except gas.

The fact that a shower in Greek is called douche is by no means a reason not to take one.

Distressingly, Rule 35 seems to be "If you can imagine it, there's Hello Kitty of it."

And have you ever stopped and wondered if your mom kissed you goodnight after giving your dad a red hot beejay? ...because you are now.

theology of the day: gods don't kill people... people with gods kill people. just sayin'.

Look, septic tank pump truck guys. You can't ALL be "#1 in the #2 business," haha right? Seriously, most of you suck shit through a hose.

If I am traveling through unfamiliar neighborhoods I wear an eye patch over my anus to protect me from Butt Pirates.

Reading business plan that claims 210 billion emails are sent a day. I think I get about 3 billion (2 billion of which are about my penis)

I passed out and the kids drew on my face again. The horsies are getting pretty good but the penis still needs work.

We are more similar than you think, lady. You assume I've never read the Bible, and I assume you've never read anything else.

Det sitter en jttetjock kille bredvid mig p Heathrow. Han fr en sedan lnge frlorad kamp mot genetikens motvind - det ser ut som om ngon gallrat hans hrfste med en hacka. Men det han frlorat mot naturen tar han igen med ratal av finslipad finesshumor.
Drink sensibly, str det i stora bokstver p hans trja.
Och under det: Dont spill it!!

I ditt ansikte...
Read More