stosbetlp

Okay.. word of warning.. this is going to be long.. and probably a lot of rambling.. but here goes.. trust me it's worth reading..

Tonight.. I went out with a friend.. His name is Bryan.. He is a great guy.. He bought me coffee.. and he was giving me someone to bitch to.. and once I was done bitching.. he asked me a very simple question.. that just kind of set me off on this great.. bunny trail?

He asked.. Who are you? ... you ... like.. what is your name?

My name is Stassney Lenertz.

Then he asked .. What is your favorite song?

The Recluse.. by Cursive.. they are like musical orgasm..

What do you like to do?
And I seriously had to think about this one.. And I've been thinking about all this since..




I am Stassney Lenertz.


I've been leading my life... defining myself by those I was attached to... for the past year and a half I have been Scott's girlfriend/ex/best friend/mistress... what have you.. But that is not what I am.. or who I am..

I am Stassney Lenertz..
I am eighteen.. and I can be whoever I choose to be.

I am Stassney Lenertz..
And I am selfish, and considerate, and obsessive. I am polite. I have attachment issues. I have no tact. I love music. I'm not half as creative as I let people think I am.. nor half as nerdy. I am intelligent but naive.. I am shy but people don't know that. I am over-dramatic.. I do cute things. I have smoked.. I have drank.. I have made some mistakes. I am not straight edge. I love coffee. I am vain. I am manipulative. I can be a real bitch. I curse like a sailor when I'm excited and when I'm angry. I want to be in a stable relationship and a stable environment but I don't want to be tied down or settled. I desperately want to learn to play the cello. I believe life should be lead through passion. I am reclusive in nature. I tend to say I hate the outdoors.. but I don't really know about that. I have my own sense of style. I like my big headphones. I care too much what people think. I love cats. I wish I was in school. I regret. I do way too much for people who do nothing for me. I use people. I'm kind of a prude.. but you would never know it. I pride myself on my lack of gag reflex. I kiss and tell. I can't keep a secret. I tend to dwell on the past. I follow the crowd too often. I not so secretly wish to be the girl covered in tattoos and piercings. I don't shave often enough. I can't keep one hairstyle for longer than a week. I am honest.. but I am a fucking liar. I tend to be kind of a klepto. I'm easily distracted, entertained,and embarrassed. I am lazy. I'd give you the world if you asked for it. I am spoiled and sheltered. I am emotional and sentimental. I don't take good care of my things. I trust too easily. I confide in strangers. I want to try LSD.. but I never will. I love theatre. I have a list of things to do before I die. I keep the past too long. I am passive aggressive. I need to grow up. I don't like most people my age. I am immature. I am perverse. I like vegetables. I think sex is special. I need a job. I don't keep track of my money. I'm awful at calling people back or answering the phone for that matter. I like making people uncomfortable. I talk way too loudly. I don't stay angry. I act like some things just didn't happen. I forgive. I give too many chances. I slouch. I love my broad shoulders. I argue and always think I'm right. Most people think I don't get enough sleep but I sleep way too much. I like rootbeer and raspberry tea. I can chill at 7-11 for hours.






I am Stassney Lenertz.
And I am not defined as someone's ex-girlfriend, or someone's best friend.

I am Stassney Lenertz.
And I am defined by me.




I know I come to these amazing revelations all the time.. and none of them ever stick.. and I know that in a week I will probably be crying about shit... and defining myself as Scott's ex once more... but maybe... just maybe this one will stick.



Yours.. as me,
Stassney Lenertz

[[PS]][the reason there is no music selection is I can't decide what I want to be the soundtrack to my revolution]