Let me tell you all about my idea of a fairy tale . Let's throw this back to this month, exactly a year ago. I had spent the 3 previous years dating the wrong girls. At this time I was single for about a year and my whole depressing winter and past damaging breakups were preparing me for the epic single summer I was about to have. I spend the months of May & April in gay bars and on tinder getting any cute girl into my bed. My good friend decided to help me out and show me a photo of this girl she's been drooling over for years. To her, this girl was unobtainable, she was a heart breaker. Everyone wanted her but no one was able to snatch her, she was a masterpiece. I didn't let that stop me.
We spent the next few months periodically indulging in some very innocent flirting. By June, the pride parade was coming to town and I was finally able to work my game on this girl, or so I thought. I told her we would meet up outside the subway station. She didn't see me right away but she caught my eye from a mile away. When I saw her I swear everyone surrounding me disappeared and all I heard was white noise. I guess you can say it was love at first sight. I walked over to her, she looked at me and smiled and the first words that stumbled out of my nervous mouth was "wow you're large". YOU'RE LARGE?! My god.... how embarrassing.. Luckily she just laughed and hugged me.
I was too nervous to talk to her for more than 10 seconds and she was convinced I wasn't interested in her because of my resting bitch face. So we would just continuously lock eyes from across the way and shoot each other flirty smiles. It was literally like being back in elementary school with my first crush but I had never had butterflies the way I did that day. I was dancing on my own when I felt someone grab me from behind and pull on my arm and waist. She kissed me for a while and i'm pretty sure I saw stars. I didn't take her home that night. I didn't even try to. I knew after that day that I needed to know this girl, despite what everyone warned me about her.
The next day, she travelled a few hours away to wasaga to her friends cottage for the weekend. She was going to board a plane to hawaii for two weeks right after she left the cottage and I was not willing to wait three weeks to see her again. So I grabbed my tent, and drove to wasaga with a bottle of vodka, a tent and a whole lot of blankets. We met up and walked to the boardwalk at midnight with a few people and the next thing I know she's taking her shirt off and running into the water. I would have been a fool not to get butt naked and follow her in. It was beautiful. Making my way up to her silhouette in the lake, the reflection of the moon glistening on the water, I was mesmerized by this girl. We spent the rest of the night shooting the shit, having one of the best nights of my life and it ended with some of the most passionate, cinematic love-making I have ever known.
She then left to Hawaii and despite the distance, she found a way to talk to me every single day. She would tell me about what she did that day, that her family sometimes makes her feel unworthy, how no one can ever comprehend how she envied the moon so much because he gets to watch the stars in awe every single night, she told me about her passions, her anxieties. I wanted to know everything. As we got to know each other further, I felt this summer fling turn into something beyond that.
I wanted to dig the romantic out of me that got lost in my failed lovers, so I planned a romantic trip for us. (Refer to this blog if you wanna see a few photos from this time) I knew how much she loved stars and I found a NASA certified dark sky camping conservatory a four hour drive, and 2 hour ferry ride away. She came back from Hawaii and I came to see her and spend the night with her right away. We went to Walmart and bought some "engagement rings" to pretend like we were on our honeymoon and the next morning we hit the road.
I made a playlist for the drive and it turned out that we didn't even need to use it. We talked and talked for hours upon hours. There was never enough to say. There was never a quiet or dull moment between us. We spent the weekend down there and it rained the whole weekend! Safe to say we saw no stars, but we wouldn't let that stop us from having an incredible time anyway. The rest of our summer was just like a movie. I would wake up beside her and have to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't in a dream.
We fell deeper in love with every passing day. It was an unexpected love to say the least. This girl I just wanted in my bed, this misunderstood masterpiece became my best friend and the love of my life. We were inseparable from the first day we met, until the day we came to an end. She showed me how to let my walls down and love selflessly and whole-heartedly. She helped me believe that I am worthy of a love that's true.
We went our separate ways about a month ago. It was the most devastating heartbreak I have ever had to endure. I was angry for so long. At her, at myself. I now realize that I experienced a special kind of love that not many people get to say they have known in their life time. I experienced something real, something passionate, something full of genuine love and support and I will forever be grateful for that. I truly believe that I will love this girl and miss her presence in my life until the day I die but I will not be sad about it anymore and I will not be angry.
I will smile when I think of the times we had together. I will never wish I did anything differently. Love is such an incredible force. The wonders, beauty, and joys of love are something we will never forget. My heart may be broken today, but tomorrow is a new adventure. Love is an adventure that will truly never end. Embrace it.
The fairy tale didn't end the way you were probably expecting, but this is my fairy tale.
