stinkerbell

I remember when I was younger we used to go to a pool that had a high dive. I remember there were a lot of times I wanted to go on it, but was too scared. I would get half way up the latter and my heart was in my ears. By the time, I neared the top I felt like I couldnt breathe and would walk down the ladder much to the frustration of the people behind me who were brave enough to dive or jump off, who would have to move out of the way.

One hot summer day, my brother was behind me as started up the ladder. Each time I stopped, he would give me a little push and I would some home find the courage and strength to move my foot, which near the end each one felt as if it weighed 500lbs and it took all my strength to lift it up to the next step. Once at the top, as usual I felt like I could not breathe and wanted nothing more than to turn around and walk down the stairs my brother stood as a massive wall between me and my salvation of the safety of the ground. He walked behind me on the diving board. I stood at the end an peered down to the water which to my young minds was miles away, before I could plead my case, my brother pushed me off the edge of the diving board and into the water I went. Once the shock wore off, I realized it was pretty cool and a lot of fun. In fact I wanted to do it again. All because my brother had the courage to give me a little push, my life was forever changed.

The reason I shared this story is to explain how sometimes I need that little push in different ways in my life. When it comes to love, sometimes it is really hard for me to jump of the diving board and feel that staying where I am or retreating to where I was at is a much better option. I know this has caused people who love me pain. I wish I could say its not you its me and not have them think it is a cheesy line. It is me.