stinkerbell

to my dearest one

I am so sorry i feel when things are said that are negative that I think they are about me. i know i should ask more and think less but you are the first in so long to even get somewhat close to me, i am still scared that i am going to screw things up and that you will leave. i have been trying to get the tape in my head to continuing to play good things you and your laugh and you telling me you love me but every once in a while the negative comes in.

like some underlying scar starts to flair up. when i thought there was something really wrong with my health, i did not tell anyone. not even you. i waited in some kind of personal hell thinking how i was going to make things ok. and of course we know now that they will be ok. i am going to be here a long time to take care of you, the girls, and everyone i love.

you are very special to me ya know. i dont tell you enough because even though I am a writer or dream of being a writer, the words get lost in me.

i love you now, and i love you always just be patient with the little girl in me who still just dont get why you would love me.

b