stillifegaijin

plans...we've begun making plans for the future...well, at least next month. some time farther away than the weekend. i tell her my craziest thoughts and she swallows them up. she doesn't push away. i tell her i want her and she takes it in with a smile...a smile i can feel through the phone. i've seen the smile in person. i know i am more exposed than ever before. but i am crying less than ever before. for now, she gives a little here and a little there. afraid to open too much but sure to let me know that it's all there below the surface, behind the walls...and hopefully, soon, it will pour out. she will spill like the rain that covered us that first night. then we will swim together in each other.

this is my hope. this is how i feel when we talk. when we laugh and touch softly. but tomorrow, at work or wednesday or thursday when i haven't seen her for days i will be like an addict without a fix. paranoid and neurotic. stomach pain and sleepy. but then, in a few days, the sound of her voice or the green of her eyes will bring me to life again.