i worry. i have no reason. i know that everything is fine and that it will only get better but still i doubt. i think that she has too much going on and i will get in the way. i need to learn to distance myself without falling out. trust. trust seems to be the key. trust myself? trust her. trust that we are in...
Read More
Read More
a 28 hour date.
a confession.
a parking space.
a key.
a future.
who knew?
love makes me stupid...
a confession.
a parking space.
a key.
a future.
who knew?
love makes me stupid...
i don't get it...i don't get it...i don't get it...
pezboy7416:
get it you fucker!
now is the time after i call and leave a message but before she calls back. the moment where i tell myself that she has NEVER not called back and that i should relax but my stomach goes in knots. this is the time when i am insecure. when i need the phone to ring as proof. ...it always startles me when it does ring....
Read More
Read More
stillifegaijin:
she did call last night...my life was collapsing...exhaustion and depression and reading and drinking were bringing me to the verge of tears. the phone rang with her name and we talked for an hour. her voice soothed my madness and afterwards sleep came easily. sweet...sweet like thebasslinechanges...like tearstasteoutofkey...and holdinghands. we "enjoy" each other.
brokenbroken:
*sigh*
plans...we've begun making plans for the future...well, at least next month. some time farther away than the weekend. i tell her my craziest thoughts and she swallows them up. she doesn't push away. i tell her i want her and she takes it in with a smile...a smile i can feel through the phone. i've seen the smile in person. i know i am more...
Read More
Read More
pezboy7416:
i've got a drug problem.i've got a girl problem.
stillifegaijin:
they wrote this melody...
she asked me if there was anything else that i wanted to tell her and i wanted to tell her everything. i just couldn't figure out how to phrase it all in syllables that sounded sweet. so i tried to kiss her. she shook and smiled and whispered about butterflies. we did absolutely nothing until 5am. i was sad to see the sun coming up...
Read More
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cupidvalentino:
"it's all great now but i see a dark ending ahead"
never say die my friend. if she feels the same about you as you do about her, you'll find a way to make it work. if now, live in the moment, and enjoy knowing that you life has a purpose and meaning, even if its temporary. as for me....i dont know what to say. the past 5 days of my life have been: wakeup, eat, starting drinking cofee, takes pills to help me focus, work like a maniac non-stop until 3am, try to sleep. and so on. its made me really mentally frayed, and i feel all melancholy. i've kinda lost sight of why i'm doing all this, and why i should even bother anymore. i havent spoken to anybody in a couple days, and i've been listening to depressing music the whole time, which hasnt really helped. i just need something to motivate me to get out of bed in the morning that isnt a deadline or the fear of failure.
never say die my friend. if she feels the same about you as you do about her, you'll find a way to make it work. if now, live in the moment, and enjoy knowing that you life has a purpose and meaning, even if its temporary. as for me....i dont know what to say. the past 5 days of my life have been: wakeup, eat, starting drinking cofee, takes pills to help me focus, work like a maniac non-stop until 3am, try to sleep. and so on. its made me really mentally frayed, and i feel all melancholy. i've kinda lost sight of why i'm doing all this, and why i should even bother anymore. i havent spoken to anybody in a couple days, and i've been listening to depressing music the whole time, which hasnt really helped. i just need something to motivate me to get out of bed in the morning that isnt a deadline or the fear of failure.
louise:
well, luck to you, but even if she does break your heart...you'll still have songs to listen to.
all these bottles are memories i don't want anymore. so i'm taking out the trash and then i'm gonna bring you home
pezboy7416:
just wait and see all these words that i'll sing. they'll make you feel all the pain that i've shown
i hate families.
pezboy7416:
they only drag me down..........but somemebers aren't even in the same category.........some are more like best friends.......they just keep becoming fewer.
i'm fucking dying here!!
the week ends. the weak end. the airport tomorrow to pick up another guest. an endless flow. pez, jen, GL3, ash, then a wedding in NC, then alina...this lasts until june.
i can't wait until i actually get to go inside
LAX - hop a plane north into the rain to remember what weather is like. i hear it makes you love coming home...
Read More
i can't wait until i actually get to go inside
LAX - hop a plane north into the rain to remember what weather is like. i hear it makes you love coming home...
Read More
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
pezboy7416:
you don't know me so you couldn't value my opinion at all but........there's absolutely nothing at all wrong with having hot girls as friends that you don't visualize sexually....it;'s almost refreshing. friendship can mean so much more when there's not the tension of sex blotting the paper. my opinion.
cupidvalentino:
hey, first im going to post something i wrote in pez's journal, that is my basic analysis of the situation:
"o guess that is because sex in my mind is so closely linked with bad relationships, pain, loss and alot of general ugliness. i almost feel like i can't bridge the gap between truly liking someone and seeing them as a sexual object. most of my relationships, no matter how long they have been, have been on a really superficial level. its like i can find a girl i really like and be great friends with her, or a girl i'm indifferent towards, have a very superficial connection with her and get laid."
now in response to your last message:
Don't get me wrong, i have no intentions of making a move on this girl. not at this point. i always just kindof thought "x, y, z is what im looking for in a girl, and when i see it i'll know" now i am seeing it, but the other half of the equation that i took for granted, the sex part, is just nonexistent. as in there is no desire for me to have a sexual relationship with her, and thats not for a lack of physical beauty. i guess its just all a little confusng, i guess what i am looking for is not so cut and dry.
"o guess that is because sex in my mind is so closely linked with bad relationships, pain, loss and alot of general ugliness. i almost feel like i can't bridge the gap between truly liking someone and seeing them as a sexual object. most of my relationships, no matter how long they have been, have been on a really superficial level. its like i can find a girl i really like and be great friends with her, or a girl i'm indifferent towards, have a very superficial connection with her and get laid."
now in response to your last message:
Don't get me wrong, i have no intentions of making a move on this girl. not at this point. i always just kindof thought "x, y, z is what im looking for in a girl, and when i see it i'll know" now i am seeing it, but the other half of the equation that i took for granted, the sex part, is just nonexistent. as in there is no desire for me to have a sexual relationship with her, and thats not for a lack of physical beauty. i guess its just all a little confusng, i guess what i am looking for is not so cut and dry.
why do i have to work for a living? listen to this
isn't it good enough? someone buy it. someone sign it.
if you hate it then fucking tell me why...
isn't it good enough? someone buy it. someone sign it.
if you hate it then fucking tell me why...
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
cupidvalentino:
i know. i wish it was as easier to act towards people that way you really feel, but most people out there i guess view that a sign of weakness, and will shit all over you if you do. most people have their defense raised, and don't take to authentic people very well i feel. it is easier for people to retreat into whatever societal role they feel fits them and behave towards others in that role (im the nice guy, shes the bitch, hes the go-getter...) is like a giant role-playing game, and if you step out of line, people will immeditley pounce on that opportunity to exploit/abuse/take advantage of you.
cupidvalentino:
i beleive i would be the cynical,jaded,over-analytical, wanna-be intellectual, who is really just a 20 year old punk kid with little life expirence.
i drove to westwood and she asked if i minded walking in the rain. portland style, no umbrella. we walked to native foods. arrived dripping. purple hair dye and no make up. we have the same horrible parent. we're both scared but for different reasons. she barely ate and it was cold inside. so we walked back and dripped more. soaking, she invited me inside...
Read More
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
franandzooey:
haha. That's cool. Moving everyone who loves you out this way.
I have loaded up on Echinacea, Ginseng, Garlic and Royal Jelly. Also Lavender oil. My sore throat doesn't have a fightin' chance!
I opened a bottle of tonic water near my computer and it had gotten shakin' up somehow, long story short, my damn keys on my keyboard are sticking!!!
I have loaded up on Echinacea, Ginseng, Garlic and Royal Jelly. Also Lavender oil. My sore throat doesn't have a fightin' chance!
I opened a bottle of tonic water near my computer and it had gotten shakin' up somehow, long story short, my damn keys on my keyboard are sticking!!!
cupidvalentino:
hey,
i'm willing to grant the walkmen amnesty after that show. i think it was just an off night for them, the sound guys really messed up i think, because the bassline, organ and piano were completley drowned out, and i think the band new something was wrong on their monitors because they repeatedly asked for the sound to be turned up. (unfortunantley that just make the guitars louder and piano/organ/bass more faint) and breakign strings on their guitars, i guess thats not really their fault. it was dissapointing nonetheless.
oh, and the new liars album got a flat F in SPIN, i've never seen an album get an f, thats definenetly a first.
i'm willing to grant the walkmen amnesty after that show. i think it was just an off night for them, the sound guys really messed up i think, because the bassline, organ and piano were completley drowned out, and i think the band new something was wrong on their monitors because they repeatedly asked for the sound to be turned up. (unfortunantley that just make the guitars louder and piano/organ/bass more faint) and breakign strings on their guitars, i guess thats not really their fault. it was dissapointing nonetheless.
oh, and the new liars album got a flat F in SPIN, i've never seen an album get an f, thats definenetly a first.