stillbreathing

I'm walking around NY lately thinking, "Why don't I have a plan? What's up with my discontent? Hmmm....So here's my plan for the next week:

1. Give up exercise. Seriously. In this heat, it's likely to give me a heart attack, and I really have more than a few things to do before THAT day comes. So, the only exercise I plan to participate in is walking to and from work/bar, walking up my stairs, waking up and streatching, pretending I like VitaminWater cause it's good for you (the contortions my face makes is amazing...), and sex. The last one will only count if I'm not tired.

2. Actually watch the programs I tape. Sure, I'll admit it: I'm a TV junkie. Much like many others before me, I LOVE the new fall season. Even if most of it (and it always is) is pure, unadolterated crap, I love it. There's been a few good summer shows: Six Feet Under, Entourage, Starved, Family Guy, American Dad, & Teachers, but this fall....oh, baby! Lost, more Alias, more Family Guy, Gilmore Girls, Scrubs, and the god of all shows: Arrested Development. How I've missed you my Jason Bateman... Oh, getting back to point: I tape a lot and never watch it. That will change this week. I taped "City of God." For the seventieth time. I will watch it. I want to watch it. Me and "City of God?" Best friends this week. Uh, huh.

3. Kick a stranger a day. I think it can really help out your self esteem. But you have to pick someone smaller, dorkier, and hopefully not as fast of a runner as you. Pick someone who's slightly lost, and walks with their head down. They'll never see it coming (or they will, since they have their head down. But it'll be confusing and they'll still get hit).

4. Marry Angelina Jolie. Uh....that might have to be postponed....

5. Go play Checkers or Chess with the old men in Washington Square Park. I know, I know...I don't know how to play either one. Doesn't matter. Gotta play one of those old men who sit around all day playing each other. I'll act like a hot rod going in, and when I lose, I'll call him a cheat, and hopefully get hit by a cane. See? After I kick a stranger, a cane hit will keep me in line until the following week.

6. Date a monkey.
....

What?

7. Turn a flamboyantly gay man into indie music. I work with several, and they'd much rather listen to Kylie Minogue or that new "Listen to your Heart" god awful remake than, say, Death Cab, or The Kills, or Iron and Wine. Get 'em started with The Killers (a nice transition), play them a little U2, throw in a couple bars of Bowie, confuse 'em with the stylings of Enya (but only ten seconds of it), and then let "Title and Registration" take them away...

8. If that doesn't work, destroy them.

9. Protest at a anti-fur rally, get all rilled up, and the moment someone yells, "NO FUR FOR COATS!!!," suddenly tell them that you thought this was a "More animals to be killed for coats" rally. Politely excuse yourself and walk away.

10. Sleep. For God's sake, after that week, SLEEEPPPP.......