stillbreathing

It's December, the snow is falling, young children are singing carrols, and New York Yuppies pretend to actually care about the homeless population for once in the year (hey, at least they do something...). Also, if you listen really closely (really anywhere in the vacinity of Manhattan), you can hear the Scrooge's of the world cashing in their Holiday checks for firing the young, struggling husband, or laying off that executive that did her job perfectly, but was really too "ethnic" for Morgan Stanley (or wherever the case may be). And there's no Christmas Ghosts to teach them a lessson. No Jacob Marley's to show them the way. There's just them, and their money, which doesn't keep them warm at night, but does its best to cuddle really closely.

There's a saying in New York City. It goes something like, "Move out of the way you piece of shit, I'm in a hurry!" Now, I'm paraphrasing of course, but the basics are there. But in this Holiday Season, the phrase morphs to a silent groan and a dissaporoving look. It's New York's version of a "Happy Holidays" jingle. Now all of these things might make you think that New York has no holiday spirit. But all you have to do is look at Times Square and see that idiot "The Naked Cowboy" still in his undies and hat and boots freezing his nuts off until the first major snow falls to see that people care about Christmas. Yes, Virginia, there is a dumbass in the middle of Time Square. And he wants you to have a Happy Christmas, as long as you give him a dollar for singing off tune.

See, the thing about Christmas in the city is that, as a person outside of the city, say in a small town like Independence MO, it can feel unwelcoming and cold. There's no neighbors to yell, "Merry Christmas Neighbor!," while you smile and wave back, wishing that he would just go inside. There's no local Wal-Mart where an old man who's worked there most of his adult life is at the door wishing everyone a good day. No, there's none of that. And as a newbie to the city, it's a glamour and lights, snowflakes and Broadway shows. It's magical. You're seriously expecting the claymation "Frosty the Snowman" to jump out at any moment. But as someone who's lived here for five years, through the anger, resentment, the pushy crowds, here's what I see on this "oh so marketable holiday..."

I see joy. I see children laughing because they haven't grown up yet, and have no stresses in the world. I smell the roasted nuts at each corner that, as my friend Margaux says "Smells like Christmas" (they do). I see how the snow falls onto the city softer than a young lover caressing their "chicken" (a term of endearment, I assure you). I see all the people on the streets smiling, but not for too long or it'll be out that they're actually happy. I see two lovers on the street, wanting to kiss their very first kiss in the falling snow and holding each other too tight in fear that when they let go, the other may disappear. I see an old man looking out of his streetcorner deli, looking out to the city that once held the love of his life and his hopes and dreams and he smiles, harking back to simpler times and warmer nights. I see myself, wanting to touch someone, anyone, that I don't know and enter their lives for one brief moment to know that they're okay, and that they're not alone this Christmas. I wanna listen to Joni Mitchell, John Lennon, U2, and Bing Crosby tell me what their version of the holidays are. I see all of the magic and tenderness that this world needs all bottled up into one city. But you have to look for it. Because if you glance, you see the hustle and bustle, the shoving and screaming, and the endless cabbies honking at the midnight air. But if you start looking, everything seems to slow down, in slow motion, except for you. People pass by slower, they start to acknowlege you in their passing, and you see why so many people are drawn to this city. It's the love. It's the passion. It's the simple fact that there is no where in the world like this wonderful city of ours, and if you look at it, kiss it, and hold it tight, it will love you right back, and won't ever let go.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanza, Merry Yule, and to all a good, soft, warm, wonderful night....

xoxoxoxo.....