stiggy56

I was in a relationship not long ago with this girl who I thought the world of. She made me feel like I was special to her. But I knew I should have broke it off sooner. I could tell, she was a free spirit that needed to fly. I would never cage a free spirit. But I feel now that the free spirit caged herself and had to escape. I never wanted to feel like a prison to her. But some times I felt like she had no place else to go, and it was hurting her. So when she finally did make up her mind after weeks and weeks of on and off emotional drama, I was finally relieved sHe'd come to a stable thought. It didn't favor me but then I was fine with it. But then things just weren't right after that. She acted distant like I was bad for her in some way, which made me question the relationship and what she really thought of me. I understood her issues but she wanted to think I didn't so she could say I was insensitive. SHe didn't want me around anymore like she used too. In fact it was like I was a parent. She wanted to avoid me even. She knew she could call me and I would jump to her aid, like this time when I took her to the hospital. So I felt the way she had made out for me. I felt she was being equaly insensitive. So then I started to feel ashamed of myself for my battered ego. An ego I really didn't even have much of anymore before I met her. I didn't care to be with anyone cause I didn't want to waste my emotions out on something that was going no where. But I did it anyhow, cause it felt good for a change.

I did things I would never do for just anyone. I would have never driven 12 hours because she was home sick. I would never try to find a place together with someone I didn't feel stable with. I would never have jumped up in the middle of the night to be with her when she wanted me by her side. These are things a good boyfriend does. He gets things for her just because he was thinking about her when he saw it.

But that's over now. It's not my fault I know, and it would be childish to blame her for being the way she is. But I guess the thing that I couldn't get over was how she cared so much at first, but then turned into this person that I could never see myself with ever. I would never date someone who was not stable. But I did. I wanted to believe it could work. But it never would, and it's better that way. I still care, but I just don't care to try keep that chapter open any longer. I alway seem to go into these thing and feel like a fool when it's all over.

I wanted someone to love. But I know now that love is just as much pain as it is pleasure.