I'm about one more bad day away from going off the grid and drinking my own urine to survive.
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Tuesday May 03, 2011
You will never catch me with an erection while a saxophone is playing. -
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Monday Apr 25, 2011
I wonder if Barry Manilow is blowing someone right now. -
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Friday Feb 25, 2011
If you HAPPEN to meet someone at a comedy show you're doing and she H… -
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Wednesday Feb 02, 2011
I'm about one more bad day away from going off the grid and drinking … -
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Wednesday Jan 26, 2011
Going to stop using side mirrors when I drive and announce to everyon… -
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Tuesday Dec 21, 2010
In case you were wondering, I don't have ball implants. They're the r… -
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Wednesday Nov 24, 2010
Just went thru airport security and TSA ran a feather down my ass cra… -
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Monday Nov 15, 2010
Whatever occupation you do, put "America's" in front of it and people… -
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Friday Oct 22, 2010
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Wednesday Oct 20, 2010
Someone just gave me a pack of Skittles Fizzl'd Fruits. I don't know …