steveshyte

I used to run a comb through my hair. Now I run a Bic over my scalp. Thankfully, I have a large penis.

Happiness is going to sleep with a clean ass.

I officially transitioned from "fat" to "fat fuck" today. I had to do seismic retrofitting on my favorite pair of pants.

It's so hot in the Bay Area, I think I smell a skin tag cooking in my armpit.

If you enjoy my downward spiral on here, see the full technicolor version on Twitter

I haven't touched a door knob in 7 years.

Every time I fly Southwest Airlines I get a lead pipe hard on. It never happens on any other airline. I almost fucked a bag of peanuts over Bakersfield. I'm currently rubbing up against my luggage like a zoo animal waiting for the airport shuttle. It's good to be home after a month of gigs.

Adult baby wipes are the greatest invention of all time. It's like a day spa for your asshole.

Shitting green on Sunday = having too much fun on Saturday.

"Snooki Goes to Jail" sounds like the name of bad black gay rape fantasy porn.

Is there an unwritten rule in fast food that a tranny must work the drive thru window after 11pm? I dont know if I should be more repulsed by the fact that I've been picking wig hair out of my McFlurry for the past 3 miles or I can't get rid of my hard on.

I thought I was fat until I went to a casino last night and saw casino fat.