I am so close to having all my shit packed and moved back to my house. I have one more trip to make and 2 finals to take. After next week, my life will become easier, as well as much harder.
I feel like leaving st. louis for school this year was the worst decision I've ever made. I hated the school, the people, the dorm, my room mate, and the things I lost while I was there.
When I packed up my room, I realized I wasn't just packing up posters and clothes, books and papers, but also packing away a romance I want back so badly that it burns.
If I hadn't moved to Edwardsville, we would still be together. We just saw too much of each other going to the same school and such. I really regret ever setting foot in that wretched border of Missouri and Illinois. Nothing good really came from the experience other than meeting some good people at work, having no curfew whatsoever, sleeping at Norm's whenever I wanted, etc etc. Those are good things, but I mean, I could live happily forgetting the 8 months I spent there.
I want him to be in Edwardsville though, his music is there. He is so talented and so driven, I'm proud of him.
I want a change between us. Communication, time, effort, honesty, and priorities. I want to see him a few times a week, that way the time spent is much more precious.
I suppose I'm just a stupid teenager with a heart not strong enough to lose.
It feels like more than that though. His love is electrifying, as if I were on my death bead that pazazz would keep my heart pumping.
I know I've fucked up, I know I took things for granted, but jesus fucking christ, I can not fathom the words to describe the way he makes me feel.
The only thing I fear the most is him finding someone who shows love greater than I could. That, and the thought of him not caring for me anymore. I've never felt so unwanted in my life.
Been in love thrice, however, this one makes it hard to breathe when I cry. Help?
I feel like leaving st. louis for school this year was the worst decision I've ever made. I hated the school, the people, the dorm, my room mate, and the things I lost while I was there.
When I packed up my room, I realized I wasn't just packing up posters and clothes, books and papers, but also packing away a romance I want back so badly that it burns.
If I hadn't moved to Edwardsville, we would still be together. We just saw too much of each other going to the same school and such. I really regret ever setting foot in that wretched border of Missouri and Illinois. Nothing good really came from the experience other than meeting some good people at work, having no curfew whatsoever, sleeping at Norm's whenever I wanted, etc etc. Those are good things, but I mean, I could live happily forgetting the 8 months I spent there.
I want him to be in Edwardsville though, his music is there. He is so talented and so driven, I'm proud of him.
I want a change between us. Communication, time, effort, honesty, and priorities. I want to see him a few times a week, that way the time spent is much more precious.
I suppose I'm just a stupid teenager with a heart not strong enough to lose.
It feels like more than that though. His love is electrifying, as if I were on my death bead that pazazz would keep my heart pumping.
I know I've fucked up, I know I took things for granted, but jesus fucking christ, I can not fathom the words to describe the way he makes me feel.
The only thing I fear the most is him finding someone who shows love greater than I could. That, and the thought of him not caring for me anymore. I've never felt so unwanted in my life.
Been in love thrice, however, this one makes it hard to breathe when I cry. Help?
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
jmax:
i thought you looked familiar. I think you and my curly haired friend talked a little at a show, we were doing merch. ha, small world. Or maybe you were just standing near the merch table and my curly haired friend commented on how she wanted your hair, yeah, i think that was it.
sleeplessnights:
Good luck on the finals. I feel ya.