stepchild13

Ahhh, back from a lovely weekend get away with the g/f. It was really nice. I took her to a B&B for her graduation (yeah, I take care of my woman pretty well). In a place neither of us have been before, Spring Lake NJ. See since we're from Philly, most people around here go to places more south, like Wildwood, Ocean City (NJ), Sea Isle, Etc. In SL there were a lot more New Yorkers and such. It was a beautiful little town, although it was a bit more of an expensive town. Not many stores at all, mostly houses, nothing on the board walk. The beach was amazingly clean, and barely crowded. It was a quite lovely weekend. The only negatives were a parking ticket before I left, and the occasional enigmas that I as a man must find in a woman. Like "What's wrong hon" as she seems sad and quiet and she says "nothing" and I can't get a damn word out of her. But overall, a great weekend.

As for my last post, I guess some explanations are in order. Like for my loneliness, I often get like that. Mostly because I feel like none of my friends call me to do stuff and being home just depresses me. And the only people that do call me are my g/f, and occasionally two other friends, one of which is in Germany until July.

And as for the confusion, well it's of course over women. Well my future past the summer with my g/f is really vague right now, mostly because of her future career. The main place where the work she wants to do (animation, aka pixar) is in Cali. I honestly am pretty happy here. So if she moves, a major string of my life might be over, I've been with her almost 5 years. We did the long distance thing for six months, while she was in Scotland. It was hard, but we got through it, but I can't do it again, especially since she hooked up with someone there. And since she was my first relationship there's a part of me wondering what else is out there for me. I used to think no other woman would find me attractive until a year or so ago. Plus, for many reasons of her's, I'm still a pretty old guy in today's standard living in Virginia

On to confusion number two, see there's this friend, who I pretty much have this GIANT crush on. Like I am completely attacted to her, want to know so much more about her, and take care of her and tell her how beautiful she is. And I can tell she's interested in me too. It didn't use to be bad, cause I barely ever saw her. But a few months ago we exchanged email addresses and have hung out more. Now it's like my thoughts friggin wander to her half the time. And being the person I am, I start to feel guilty for liking her, even though I don't act on a thing. What's even more awkward is one of her best friends is all about trying to get us together! One night she was like "You like J___ don't you? I see it in the way you look at her" As I turn red and be like ahhhh I have a g/f. Then last weekend at the blues fest she was like "So, how's that g/f thing going? What's her name, what's her last name, where does she live." Basically like grilling me, since neither of them never met the g/f, they jokingly say she doesn't exist. And of course back to being the person I am I feel bad, because I can't date this other wonderful person who I would in a heart beat if I didn't have a g/f. So now I like evaluate all my actions towards her being like "does this show I like her, maybe I shouldn't do that, but I would do that for anyone, but but but...." And of course, doesn't the innkeeper at the B&B share the same name as this girl. AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Felt good to write that down and get it out. Thanks for reading. ::sigh::