stellamahonney

What do you do when someone you've loved for the last 8 yrs dies? we where always going different directions. meeting in the crossroads of in between time. i found him not once but twice. he and i were hopeless romantics who never seemed to be hopeless for each other at the right times. Eight years of being blips on each others radars. doomed to be that way forever. he was one of my closest friends. i won't say we did everything together, cuz we didn't. we just happened to confide our deepest desires and wishes with each other in the dead of night. i've been out crying in the rain and screaming at the waves as they come in from the sea because its the only thing i can do to make the pressure in my head go away. i'm drenched and frozen to the bone and i smell of the sea. i added my tears to all the collected tears of everything that has ever lived on this planet. still i feel no solace.
he used to talk me up to people before they would even meet me. bringing this perfect caricature of me to people i didn't know. i tried to do my best to live up to all the things he thought about me. looking back on it i don't think i did sure a good job. he was one of the few people who loved all my quirky stupid traits and i loved his. that damned silly ass grin he would get on his face when he was having a good time or always bringing up to my boyfriend that he wished he had always gotten with me when we were younger. some things just had to make you laugh. i really don't even know how to end this and i don't think i want to.