stellablue1

i'm trying so hard to be nice today. seriously, i feel in it my heart but my the words coming out of my mouth are not so kind. my horoscope says to be amazed with the world around me but all i feel is disgust. people. they are out for themselves. i think sometimes they make you feel bad about yourself just to make themselves feel good. what a terrible way to act. i start every morning singing, smiling, having a good time in my mind. then i interact with the world and the happiness is gone. when people arent happy with how much they have to pay for their repairs to their car, guess who they yell and scream (yes, people actually SCREAM at me. 40-something men are the worse at this)when people cant get ahold of people, i get yelled at because i dont know where they are. it's not my job to babysit, asshole. that's just at work...
onto life, my best friend is moving to atlanta on tuesday. i know it's not the end of the world. but it's really bugging me. she's the only one who sorta gets me. i have yet for anyone to REALLY get me but a girl can dream right?! and this weekend all the girls are coming home and we're doing ANYTHING gina wants because it's her last weekend. but what's peculiar, is that we do ANYTHING GINA WANTS EVERY WEEKEND! and she had the nerve to be a bit tiffed with pamela and i because we didnt' plan "a party or anything". um, i didnt know we had to. it's not cool to ask for a party in your honor, ya know. *ohmy, so i'm at work and in between writing this a guy asks me if i have change, i told him no when actually i have about $700 in my drawer....and get this, he actually said "well aren't you a little bitch?" i said "what??!!"....he goes (pronunciating every syllable) "WELL, AREN'T YOU A LITTLE BITCH?" i dont know what i said because i was enraging mad. and now i'm in trouble because i told him to fuck off and we dont say that to customers. ...i just want to punch a wall or someone! i threw my chair into the wall and papers went everywhere, then started to cry. i swear i'm not so out of control on a normal basis. something is just going on in my head. but dude, didn't have to say that. it was uncalled for.* back to my life, and boys suck. that's why i should go for men! or a pretty girl!! but that's a whole other story.....the guy i'm talking to made a comment last night along the lines of "how convienent" i am. if i wasnt already low enough, throw that on top and see how far i fall. i have so much love to give and i dont ask much in return. just be concious of my feelings. we're going to the southside tonight(when i'd really rather lay in my bed and take a few bowls to the head) to see a pearl jam cover band at nick's fat city. i'm getting a bottle of wine after work and drinking it while i get ready. maybe then i'll feel better....oh, i hope i do.....

yaknow, i feel better....actually smiling!
thanks for letting me rant.
i make my life sound bad but it's actually quite nice so dont get me wrong.
i just dont get people. like the horoscope says, be amazed with the world....amazed.....
loveyou....