stella_marie

so there is a trend going on in my life right now. its the fear of friday trend. i have no idea how long ill be at this job im at. so each week i wait to hear if i still have a job on monday. like im not neurotic enough that i need this added pressure to my life? so then each time my boss seems weird about something, it makes me fear asking about monday. for example - she asked me to close the closet after i use it from now on. i said no problem. then, in my head, i think, i wasnt the last to use it. i always close it. shit, she thinks i always leave it open? great, better start looking for a job without closets. and so on, and so on. sure, it seems silly and stupid and maybe even somehow funny, but the knot in my throat since explaining to my dad tonight that i honestly cant tell him if i have a job to go to next week and cant find anything else and havent even dealt with another agency cause i dont have time and that the knot is now tears coming from my eyes and i dont want to go to work cause today i was 10 minutes late and was told i cant bill for the 10 minutes when i never would and i spent all day making a pattern with snoopy and hearts and flowers and actually tried to convince someone on the phone tonight that it was interesting and i enjoyed doing it and my mascara is running as is my nose and the anxiety blinding and i need to go to sleep