stein

i just got back from a month in a unmentionable desert in california and WOW did it suck. i broke the record for longest period between showers. twenty-one days took the cake leaving me smelly and oh-so-disgusting. you know it's bad when the army makes you suffer to the point that you can't stand you're own smell. everyone stank of course but i couldn't smell anything but myself. *puke*

that's all over now and i'm safely back in new york enjoying the rich smells of standard american life, which right now envolves whiskey and coffee. oh so delicious.

the impending doom of my next big trip is settling in now. i don't have that much longer stateside and i can finally feel it now. i'm less than happy.

on the same topic while i was away the most recent former lover called. she thinks she needs to see me one last time before i go away. i'm reluctant to oblige but i will none the less. i know what it is and i've seen it before. we didn't leave things on the up and up and she's scared i'll go down and she'll have no way to make herself feel better. so i get stuck in the positions of making her feel better about treating me like shit and breaking my heart so she can handle the posibility of my corpse resting six feet with poise. what a strange job i have. people worry about the end of me when in all truth i could leave it all in a simple drunk driving accident just as easy, or any other simple way that men die too young.

life is frail. it always has been. don't save that fact for deployments.