I had the worst morning. I got into this weird kinda tired head trip... with the worst person I could imagine the guy that i am helplessly falling for. I feel very dumb. Some of the things I had no idea were even on my mind. I just kinda started linking all this stuff together and , i guess it really didnt make sence to anyone else but me . I just cant shake the feeling like I am blindsiding something here. I dont want to screw up what I have with him. I also dont want to deny what I feel.
I have friends that talk to me about it and are sooo glad to see me happy. then they say things like ohh you make a really great couple, Or when you two get married make shure we are on the guest list. Stops me dead in my tracks. where did you get that from. Like omfg when did I ever say this to them. I just get this kinda cold heavy rock in my gut type feeling.
scares the shit out of me. I havent even asked my guy if he ever wanted to have kids . wich is a very good question to ask befor jumping to everyone else conclutions. Because I cant have any.
shaking my head just a bit more then I will go...
I just know there are things about me that I have let go. I havent let anyone get this close for me to even consider saying things that I have. Not in almost five years. Not since I found out I was sick. we have had the convo about being steady. Both agreeed that it would never happen. I just dont think it would work. I know I could never be enough for him. I dont want to end up in another of those relatioships that you end up sneeking arround cheating.
I just am really confused as to what is going through my head. I have nver had someone who has said , or even acted like they liked me as much as this guy dose . I only want to question it becasue I dont understand . Ok enough of my little rant am going to go befor I start wrting pages of blabber . I guess in the end all I really want to do is tell him I am sorry , and some part of me didnt mean it. then there is the cynical part of me thats says well you must have ment some of it becasue you talked about it... uhh ohh well id better go .. sorry for dumping all talk to you all soon... huggs
~MaryAnne
I have friends that talk to me about it and are sooo glad to see me happy. then they say things like ohh you make a really great couple, Or when you two get married make shure we are on the guest list. Stops me dead in my tracks. where did you get that from. Like omfg when did I ever say this to them. I just get this kinda cold heavy rock in my gut type feeling.
scares the shit out of me. I havent even asked my guy if he ever wanted to have kids . wich is a very good question to ask befor jumping to everyone else conclutions. Because I cant have any.
shaking my head just a bit more then I will go...
I just know there are things about me that I have let go. I havent let anyone get this close for me to even consider saying things that I have. Not in almost five years. Not since I found out I was sick. we have had the convo about being steady. Both agreeed that it would never happen. I just dont think it would work. I know I could never be enough for him. I dont want to end up in another of those relatioships that you end up sneeking arround cheating.
I just am really confused as to what is going through my head. I have nver had someone who has said , or even acted like they liked me as much as this guy dose . I only want to question it becasue I dont understand . Ok enough of my little rant am going to go befor I start wrting pages of blabber . I guess in the end all I really want to do is tell him I am sorry , and some part of me didnt mean it. then there is the cynical part of me thats says well you must have ment some of it becasue you talked about it... uhh ohh well id better go .. sorry for dumping all talk to you all soon... huggs
~MaryAnne
propernoun:
Hmmm... looks like everyone but him has seen how great you two are/would be together. 
((cough))Go for it.((cough))
((cough))Go for it.((cough))