starsandsmokes

... i am an actor of the highest caliber, although you see me smiling, laughing, out drinking with friends, seemingly worry free, like nothing could ever stop me, it's all a lie, a lie i've been living my whole life, i'm really rotting on the inside, frowning, crying, drinking to keep it all at bay, worrying about any little thing that may deepen the lie more than it already has profanely been deepened, waiting for something to stop me dead in my tracks. like a car playing chicken with an oncoming train, you hit my heart that hard, leaving nothing but shards of a mangled mess, tangled up like christmas lights the day after thanksgiving, black and burnt and bleeding and broken, still scraping the tracks looking for any way off, anticipating that moment when your momentum finally grinds to a halt leaving me dead on your tracks, but i still walked away, and it will happen again, maybe in another city with lights even more blindingly bright than the last, that's a chance i'm willing to take. maybe next time that train won't hit quite as hard...

... i really don't know what that was all about, basically just something that has been rolling around in my head for a few days and i decided to put it in print...