Hey guys.... long time since i wrote a proper blog.
Lots going on and nothing at the same time.
First i wanna talk about something that's driving me mad... its really probably simple to "fix" but i need encouragment or something. Maybe i'm just in a weird spot...but this virtual game i've been playing...where you are an avi and you get super connected to people....anyway i started getting close to someone...i think i've spoke of this before. he has a lot of problems in his life and is probably more negative for me than i need. but the fact that we have gotten so close has caused us both a lot of pain. I love my boyfriend in real life, we've been together 10 years...been thru a lot and i know he's always there for me, fact is he's an amazing boyfriend and i am very lucky to have him. we have always been like best friends. But these feelings i've developed for this person on a damn game is out of control. I dont know what to do. i guess just stop talking to him but its so hard. god damn love is a fucked up thing. He's lied to me about a couple things...and of course you cant always what someone online says. I dont even know if his age is right.. i've asked him for a photo but he wont let me see one. which i find odd. anyway he's only 18. (or is he?) I know that i need to cut it off but its just painful. any suggestions/ideas?
man i feel so lame ... like this is such a childish stupid thing.But the stress and tears of it is way too much, i know im not going to meet him in real life so i dont know why i even bother.
-----huge sigh-------
I need to work on my art more... be happy and do things that are good for me. I feel like i've lost part of myself..im not as happy as i was or i feel ive lost some of my 'sparkle' ....i dont think im being true to myself and giving myself what i need.
so what do i do? stop fucking around and kick myself in the arse and do what i need to do? yeah probably. Im 33. i'm not going to get any younger and being happy is all that matters......
FEEL FREE TO GIVE ME KICKS IN THE BUM OR A SWIFT PUSH <--------
I've been reading "a course in miracles" again... its such a huge long book and so much info but i think it will be good for me..... so im trying.
I want to do something meaningful with my art... not just once and awhile art...i have all the ideas and the time to do what i should and or want so why aren't i doing it?
Valentines day <3
^ when i read that cute card my bf made me i started to cry instantly... mainly because there was a mirror saying "i love the girl in the mirror" and i couldnt even look at myself in it. honestly it made me so upset because i feel like i dont love myself... im hurting myself in so many ways its just horrible...... BUT the card meant so much to me.
my niece and i ^
This hoodie i ordered:
Callow lilly is just amazing <3
Any good films that have just come out you can suggest?
Until next time.. hopefully things will be better and make more sense.... im so glad i have you guys to talk to.
Lots going on and nothing at the same time.
First i wanna talk about something that's driving me mad... its really probably simple to "fix" but i need encouragment or something. Maybe i'm just in a weird spot...but this virtual game i've been playing...where you are an avi and you get super connected to people....anyway i started getting close to someone...i think i've spoke of this before. he has a lot of problems in his life and is probably more negative for me than i need. but the fact that we have gotten so close has caused us both a lot of pain. I love my boyfriend in real life, we've been together 10 years...been thru a lot and i know he's always there for me, fact is he's an amazing boyfriend and i am very lucky to have him. we have always been like best friends. But these feelings i've developed for this person on a damn game is out of control. I dont know what to do. i guess just stop talking to him but its so hard. god damn love is a fucked up thing. He's lied to me about a couple things...and of course you cant always what someone online says. I dont even know if his age is right.. i've asked him for a photo but he wont let me see one. which i find odd. anyway he's only 18. (or is he?) I know that i need to cut it off but its just painful. any suggestions/ideas?
man i feel so lame ... like this is such a childish stupid thing.But the stress and tears of it is way too much, i know im not going to meet him in real life so i dont know why i even bother.
-----huge sigh-------
I need to work on my art more... be happy and do things that are good for me. I feel like i've lost part of myself..im not as happy as i was or i feel ive lost some of my 'sparkle' ....i dont think im being true to myself and giving myself what i need.
so what do i do? stop fucking around and kick myself in the arse and do what i need to do? yeah probably. Im 33. i'm not going to get any younger and being happy is all that matters......
FEEL FREE TO GIVE ME KICKS IN THE BUM OR A SWIFT PUSH <--------
I've been reading "a course in miracles" again... its such a huge long book and so much info but i think it will be good for me..... so im trying.
I want to do something meaningful with my art... not just once and awhile art...i have all the ideas and the time to do what i should and or want so why aren't i doing it?
Valentines day <3
^ when i read that cute card my bf made me i started to cry instantly... mainly because there was a mirror saying "i love the girl in the mirror" and i couldnt even look at myself in it. honestly it made me so upset because i feel like i dont love myself... im hurting myself in so many ways its just horrible......
BUT the card meant so much to me.
my niece and i ^
This hoodie i ordered:
Callow lilly is just amazing <3
Any good films that have just come out you can suggest?
Until next time.. hopefully things will be better and make more sense.... im so glad i have you guys to talk to.
you have someone you love and loves you back.. you should talk to your BF