starkofdoom

So... I have spent the last month or so in a constant state of anxiety. All of this is because my best friend came back from Virginia. Well it's my best friend with which I fell madly in love with 4 years ago. I made some terrible choices back then because of it. Anyways she came back because her heart got broken by the guy she went out there for. I am lonely because I am an anti social retard who can't meet people. So I kinda fell back into old habits. She of course, being a beautiful sociable person has hooked up a couple times and has decided on someone she wants to be with. Well this sucks for me, because even though I know I don't have a chance right now (Because I am not attractive to her because I am fat and out of shape) being lonely still makes it hard when the one person you have in your life that is lonely like you is hooking up with someone else. So it's been a sucky couple weeks.

I figured something out this morning though, it looks like she hooked up with the guy she wants to be with last night. So full on relationship is not far off. However I am not breaking down. She is my best friend, to be honest I am kind of happy for her. I mean I still feel lonely and it makes it a bit worse, but I told her how I felt, she even agreed if it wasn't for how I looked and our history she would probably be with me. Really it's my own fault for not making the changes in my life I need to. I keep complaining about having no life, but what do I do about it? Nothing. I started working out recently, but I blew that off. The point is I have things in my life way more important then being sad that I can't hook up with someone that I set myself up to have no chance with. I am going to change my life and if I am lucky she might end up with me. All I can do is work on myself and not worry about her.