I think alot lately about what I have done to my friends.... I have been an assuming asshole for the most part. I always say that my friends and family are what are important to me and I would help any of them.... For the last few months I have been thinking that I had been lying to myself for years because what have I done to help anyone besides a very specific friend. As for that friend... well lets just say my interactions with her have caused more damage to the rest of my friendships then anything else that has ever happened.... but I guess thats why you don't fall in love with your best friends girl.... Well anyways I realize I can't feel bad because I haven't been in a position to help anyone for the past two years. My own life has been so fucked up that why should I feel bad about not being a great friend? I mean I'm not happy about it but, what am I supposed to do? Today it ends. I will do what I can for my friends and family but right now its gonna be me first and its gonna be that way until I can feel happy again.
