my boss (the body piercer) has put off my apprenticeship for a year or more until i am "stable" i haven't been "stable" in god knows how long. not for a loooong time. i cried all the way home from the shop. he said it doesn't mean it rules me out as an apprentice for sure but right now is not the time.
the one thing in my life that i had to look forward to is gone, like that. i kind of saw it coming, but it still stung bad. i almost had my dream and then i ruined it by being so fucked up.
one good thing: brian and i are back together and stronger than ever.
but i had picked myself up out of the depression and now i'm sliding back down. not as bad as before but i still am at a loss with what to do with myself. i'm not stable enoguh to even hold down an esay job, yet i can't just sit around at home all the time. and i have to find a new place to live because my landlord (my dad) is pushing a rommate on me again and i've been screwed by too many roommates - almost everyone i've had - to have another, particularly a stranger when i'm feeling this vulnerable. i don't want to move back in with my mom for sure but my credit's too bad to get an apartment unless my mom or step-dad will co-sign for me, which it doesn't sound like they will. but it's looking like i might have to move back in with my mom. i refuse to have another roommate that cheats me out of money and steals from me and treats me with disrespect. i deserve better than that. so i'm kind of in limbo right now. i'm going to talk to my mom tonight about the possiblities of me moving out and then see where istand with having a co-signer and then talk to my dad about moving out. he won't be ahppy about it but i refuse to be dicked over yet again. and i'd rather live by myself or with brian. so that's it. that's my fucked up life right now. it oculd be worse,though. i know it could. i have to keep things in perspective. i've been worse too. so i can get through this. it's just another set back. and maybe giving myself a year to concentrate on getting me stable isn't the worst idea. but it still sucks. i was thisclose to my dream and now i'm this far.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
edited because I can't figure out how to spell releaving... reliefing... something BAH!
[Edited on Jun 23, 2005 2:49PM]
It's taken a long time but i'm about to embark on a new course to be a bike mechanic.
I think you've always got to think theres a light at the end of the tunnel,even in the dark times. I lost sight of that and klost a lot of years,but i'm getting there now.And you've got youth on your side honey.
I hope you come though this,depresssions a bitch. Take care honey,and never give in.
P.s. Don't want to sound preachy, if i do just ignore me