stargirl17

having a sad day/bad day

too much drama in my life that really doesn't concern me

too few friends

not enough time with brian

dad stopped by and said to just get out of the house and off the computer and come down to the lake - no offense to my dad but he is the last person on this earth that can cheer me up, but for some scary reason i agreed to go and took his $40 for gas and food

time with brian very strained and not because of my pussy picture - he says he doesn't really care and wasn't trying to make a point (yeah right)

he says he feels really "hollow" lately but won't let me in to help

because of the drama now i can't go to wakarusa and see wilco with brian which i was looking forward to - have to sell my ticket, too

he says he's goign backwards and i'm going forwards but i told him i would help him go forwards to

he doesn't want my help - won't take it, though i've been in darker places and can help him, i know i can

i have so few friends, feel so lonely without my baby, my birna at my side, was spoiled to have him this weekend but he was distant

this life is a strange creature

this depression, however long it lasts, is killing me

now i'm being dramatic and making myself sick

don't worry - i'll get over it eventually. i always do. but right now sucks. and i don't want to drive three hours feeling like this to have to hang out with my dad for a day to drive another three hours back home. i miss brian so much. i'm fighting for us but he's just giving up - it really sucks. two fucked up people do not a a happy couple make. but if he would just try we could get through this! i know we could! damn him! and i called but he didn't answer his phone. and i just nned a friend right now and he's pretty much alls i've got.

sorry for the depressing entry, but you are what you eat. or something. yeah, like that. take care everyone.