life is a fucking roller coaster again. i had a day off yesterday and went to the thrift sotre and got some awesome stuff which way excited me and put me in good spirits but then the anxiety that i've been fighting off came back full force. we went to see stra wars and i held it back until we got to the parking lot and i started having a full-blown panic attack and was choking and crying and couldn't breathe and of course i'm with all of brian's friends and they're all trying not to watch me/ look at me b/c i'm choking and tears are streaming down my face and i started hyperventialting right in the parking lot of ameristar casino. yep. so not only was i in the midst of a panic attack that had been nuilding for the last three hours but i was also embarrased becasue people were staring at me and i was just trying to get some air into my lungs, for fuck's sake. brad was supposed to take pics of me for my wesite after the movie but needless to say my mood and makeup were ruined so i went home and took a bunch of klonopin, the rest of my meds and a sleeping pill and tried to stop shaking and keep taking deep breaths. my psychiatrist told me i could "listen to my body" and kind of adjust my klonopin dosage as needed but i think i might need more then the 3 mg. he's prescribed me to stop all this anxiety. i think i need to start doing yoga or soemthing, i dunno, to get rid of all this stress and nervousness, 'cause all these pills can't be too good for my poor body (which fits into a size 12 now, thank you very much - haven't fit into my size 12 jeans for over a year). i know it's a lot about me working too goddamn much - like almost every day, but i can't not work almost every day and still have both my jobs and i have to have both my jobs: one for an income the other as part of my training as an apprentice. and my fucking car is in the shop again. and i have no money in my account and two checks ready to overdraft in the mail today. fun stuff. anyway. i'm going to take a full mg. of klonopin today even if it makes me tired becasue i need to relax in a serious way. i may call into work too and just say fuck everything today and take some persoanl time off to try and get back to my old self. i just feel like a ball of nerves right now and it's not fun. 
I say take off work if it is for your own well being, your happiness and health are more important than some stupid job. Hope you feel better.