starchild228

Thinking about my ex-best friend again. Never fails to raise my blood pressure. I kept thinking, maybe I should just call her or e-mail her, just put my pride aside. But then the rest of my brain kicks in and I think... yeah, that's the problem. In the five years we'd been friends, it was always me setting my pride aside and braving her fury after a fight. It was always me apologizing... even though it takes two to tango, and she's no angel. It was always me dropping everything in my life to take care of her every time something went wrong in her life. She sure as hell never did that shit for me. She loaned me some money back in the day, but the funny thing is, I loaned her 5x as much, and never said a word about it. She has plenty to say about loaning to me, tho. Yeah, she always drove me around when I went to visit her, and sometimes we clocked some miles, but it was always me going to visit her. She came to the city I'm living in once to visit me... I've been living here two years. I've clocked a helluva lot of miles, too. The breaking point was over two months ago. When I called her after taking a three month sabbatical to sort out some personal problems (which I told her about and she even approved of before I left), she talked to me like I was something she scraped off her shoe, and told me she didn't care if I lived or died. She told me that she didn't like who I had become, that I was selfish, and to top it off, I was no fun to be around anymore. She chewed me out, saying that she handles her life just fine, and that I just needed to get over it. At the time, I bought into it, I thought I was a horrible person, that it was all my fault. I cried for hours. Then I realized that maybe I handled a few things badly, but it takes two to tango. She was not completely without fault, and she had NO excuse to talk to me the way she had. I called her back after a few days, I didn't apologize for the entire episode... I apologized for the things that I knew full well I did wrong and left it at that. She snapped that I don't take responsibility for my actions. I thought ,"No, I'm not taking responsibility for your actions. That's what's really pissing you off." The next weekend, a holiday weekend, she called me and informed me that she was moving. She wanted to know when I could come over to help. I said, if I could help, I'd give her a call the next morning. I had plans with my family that weekend, I couldn't just drop everything to go and haul her stuff around. I had helped her the last 2x she had moved, she had yet to help me once. During our friendship, I moved a helluva lot more than she did. I didn't make that call, and we haven't spoken since. I believe the word is reciprocity. I kept giving and giving and giving, and when I had some problems of my own and didn't have anything left to give her... she got angry. Probably because she wasn't the center of my universe anymore. I believe the word is reciprocity... another is respect. Those two are the reasons why this friendship died.