Something very interesting happened. I was at work, opening up an extra register because there was a bit of a rush... when suddenly I heard a familiar voice say my name. It was one of my ex-best friends. I didn't freak out, my heart didn't run away in my chest as it had on previous occasions we had run into each other. I was remarkably calm as I returned her greeting. She told me that she was working at the local home for troubled kids, that my other best freind recently had a baby boy, and that they were still living together. I told her that I had moved in with my boyfriend and bought a new car to replace the old clunker I had driven all those years that we were close. Before she left, she looked at me and said, "You should give us a call sometime- we still have the same number." My mind was racing the rest of the night.
The lack of a physical reaction to seeing her tells me something- I've gotten over it. Three years later, I finally have put the pain and betrayal I felt behind me. Which is amazing, considering that the emotions I felt over the breakup of my friendship with them went very deep.
Which led me to another conclusion- maybe I'm ready to contact them again. I miss them, I miss the friendship we had, I miss having close girlfriends. However, I realize that even if we can all get past the anger and pain from the falling out we had, that our relationship will never be the same. I am not willing to be unconditionally emotionally supportive if they are not willing to give me the same support back. I am also going to be very cautious about what I do and don't tell them. I'm sure they'll have some issues with me as well.
I talked to a friend at work about it, and she said there is usually a very good reason why people weren't in your life. Which is also true. Unless they have had some serious therapy, or have worked through some issues on their own. I've done both. I've changed a lot since I knew them. It's been years. But there were a lot of problems, and it's not safe to assume they have worked as hard at resolving their issues as I have mine.
I don't know. I've been putting off calling them because I'm not sure if it will be a good idea. However, I don't want to see a close friendship of 4 years fall by the wayside because I don't want to try.
The lack of a physical reaction to seeing her tells me something- I've gotten over it. Three years later, I finally have put the pain and betrayal I felt behind me. Which is amazing, considering that the emotions I felt over the breakup of my friendship with them went very deep.
Which led me to another conclusion- maybe I'm ready to contact them again. I miss them, I miss the friendship we had, I miss having close girlfriends. However, I realize that even if we can all get past the anger and pain from the falling out we had, that our relationship will never be the same. I am not willing to be unconditionally emotionally supportive if they are not willing to give me the same support back. I am also going to be very cautious about what I do and don't tell them. I'm sure they'll have some issues with me as well.
I talked to a friend at work about it, and she said there is usually a very good reason why people weren't in your life. Which is also true. Unless they have had some serious therapy, or have worked through some issues on their own. I've done both. I've changed a lot since I knew them. It's been years. But there were a lot of problems, and it's not safe to assume they have worked as hard at resolving their issues as I have mine.
I don't know. I've been putting off calling them because I'm not sure if it will be a good idea. However, I don't want to see a close friendship of 4 years fall by the wayside because I don't want to try.
Not sure what advice to give you. My gut reaction is to forget about it. It's a part of your past. You've changed. And it would probably end up being more trouble than it's worth.
But that's my way of seeing things. I've never successfully reactivated an old friendship. Tried a few times. But it's never worked, and it's upset me a couple of the times. And I find that while I may have changed, they never have. Or they're changed for the worse.
Yeah, maybe that's the wrong way of looking at things. But I figure you like your life the way it is, why dredge up bad memories? Why risk your current happiness to reactivate a friendship that ended up hurting you?
Of course, I'll admit that someone could make the opposite argument and it would probably make sense too.