So I am out of work for at least 2 weeks. So far my stress level isn't any better. Maybe it will get there. basically I do not want to have this baby, I think it is a huge mistake and there is no way I am capable of taking care of 2 babies, working full time and being a wife and staying sane. I don't even think I am capable of doing all of that and only 1 baby but 2 babies no way. I mean I know people do it all the time but I'm just not one of them. I feel terribly guilty for wishing this baby away, my husband gets mad at me for saying it so I can't really say it around him. But seriously, no one cares about this baby, everyone loves josie so much and loves to spoil her. Now her life is going to be ruined and shes going to have to share everyone. Okay well enough ranting on that, theres nothing I can do to change things so I will just stay miserable- one of the nurses at work says I need Zoloft. I'm considering it!!
In other news, we went to my cousins wedding in Harrisburg. It was nice. We spent friday at the Hershey factory and then in Lancaster doing the Amish tour thing. The wedding was great, it was wonderful to see the family. Of course traveling with the baby was HORRIBLE, and did nothing to boost my confidence in my ability to parent. fortunately the rest of the trip was good but we will not be flying anywhere again, anytime in the near future.
I have lots of stuff to do around the house today, unpack, do laundry, put up Halloween decorations!!
That should make me happier. The floor people are coming to finish installing the wood floors. I need to find an area rug, too.
guess I should get started on my day.
In other news, we went to my cousins wedding in Harrisburg. It was nice. We spent friday at the Hershey factory and then in Lancaster doing the Amish tour thing. The wedding was great, it was wonderful to see the family. Of course traveling with the baby was HORRIBLE, and did nothing to boost my confidence in my ability to parent. fortunately the rest of the trip was good but we will not be flying anywhere again, anytime in the near future.
I have lots of stuff to do around the house today, unpack, do laundry, put up Halloween decorations!!
That should make me happier. The floor people are coming to finish installing the wood floors. I need to find an area rug, too.
guess I should get started on my day.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
It took me my third pregnancy to really understand how to embrace my pregnant feelings, experience them fully and then allow them to pass.
Men can have a hard time with our abundant emotions because they tend to feel a need to fix the problem. We need to help them understand that we just need a listener and then the feelings can work themselves out. I hope that you have someone you can pour out your deepest feelings and fears to.
You know Birthing From Within, right? Even though this is not your first, one of those classes could really help you deal with the fears and build confidence.
We did a mini class with Pam England herself during our third preg and it was very healing. I had A LOT of fear about being able to handle 3 kids. And I also had to greive my 2nd losing his place as baby.
It is hard. But this is your right of passage. You can honor it. You and your family will be okay.
And ditto on what Megz said about giving Josie "one of the best gifts she will ever have." And you know, you ust cant imagine what it will be like after that baby is born, but after a while, you won't be able to imagine life without that new little person you are cookin' up.
PS. there is a new Pregnancy Group. Go join!