starburn

Thanks to everyone that wished me Happy Birthday. It was a wierd birthday, I didn't get much sleep so when all this drama went down it was hard to recover. I'm hoping to get to talk to my best friend before I get to sleep, but he's gone without a trace.
I've come to realise I'm a doormat and its my own fault. I just couldn't deal with that today and I kinda stood my ground and it really just ended up making things a lot worse. Things just seem to fall apart on my birthday, and they always have, even when i was little.
Think I'm going to have to go on that new medication the doctor offered to me. I've been having mood swings and they aren't as bad as they were years ago so I thought I could handle it but its messing up my life. Its up and down all the time. And a new med can cause new problems and it could be a real disaster but I can't keep going like I've been. It IS getting worse. I knew things might get bad if I stopped taking the geodon but I had to give it a try, because it has bad side effects.
Everyones leaving me tomorrow. I'm going to be alone all day and all night. I'm not sure what i'm going to do.
I can't belive everything that happened today. I guess today is not going to end well. Its just going to end.