starburn

Today was a great day, I finally got my new video card, and once again I have to resize my screen everytime I restart, I guess its something with ATI vid cards. Larry the computer guy says its one of the programs that starts when I start my computer. But it was fine with the loner vid card. He says he got me a gaming vid card, it better be good enough, he was reading the numbers off the box to me like I'd know what they meant and its like whatever dude, I told you it had to be good enough to play the new mmorpg's, you could have looked up the requirements, it better fucking work. He said its twice as good as the one I had and its the same kind so I'm pretty sure it'll be ok. He's alittle wierd, kinda overly friendly, like a child molestor offering candy or puppys, but i think your computer is the only thing he's molesting. Oh and he flirts with my mom.
I got all showered and shaved and slathered in body creme and cute outfit (boob shirt) and make up and nice hair so I could go see Chris. Its nice to have someone to fix myself up for, I feel like a girl again. Once again I couldn't tell if he was just really shy or disinterested (he did try to put his arm around me) so I confronted him about it online where he seems more comfortable and he said he's just shy. There are lots of times I want to touch him, like rest my hand on his leg when we're watching tv, or touch his hair, it looks so soft, but I don't cause I don't know if he's into me, but he gave me the green light, I'm not going to rush things but I'm going to do what comes naturally. We watched top model (he's so sweet to watch it with me) and then we ended up talking in his room, on his bed, it was a nice talk but I think I talk about myself too much. I just start rambling, I guess its better than not knowing what to say all the time. I should ask him more stuff about himself like I do online.
He's always talking about giving me a hug but once again it didn't seem like he was going to do it so I was like "how about a hug" and I got a hug, but I was so excited and giddy and it happened so fast I don't remember much about it except that he smells nice, but he always smells nice.
I like him A LOT but i'm trying not to get too excited in case we just end up friends or something goes wrong. I've never started a relationship like this, I don't really know what i'm doing but its exciting and fun and it makes me feel alive again. Its a challenge for me too, cause I have to get over my own insecurity and shyness.
Wow my life has changed so fast.
Oh I've discovered something key, forever makes me want to kill myself, its too much, even happily ever after is depressing. Thats enough today was too good a day to end it with crying.