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starbelliedboy

Philly

Member Since 2003

Followers 21 Following 14

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Tuesday Jul 05, 2005

Jul 5, 2005
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God, I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I'm now getting 10 hours a week at my job, which is not nearly enough. I was hoping to start looking for a new job this week, but now that I'm all herped up, I think that might not be a fantastic idea.

I'm falling apart over Tiffany. I saw her for the first time since we broke up on Friday. We didn't speak, I tried to look away every time I saw her. It was truly awful. I drank myself to oblivion, fooled around with Barb, and something that happened that night, I'd assume, was the cause of (what I think is) this mess of cold sores attacking my face. I took off my internship to go to the doctor, and he said it was "some kind of breakout" which was ultimately unhelpful and unproductive. I feel like I wasted a day for no reason, and this shit doesn't really seem to be getting any better. I'm thinking now that it was some combination of the excessive amounts of alcohol in my system and the shock and horror of seeing Tiffany again that made my skin cry out and crust up.

Things fell apart completely with Dani... She's never there for me when I need her, and doesn't know how to deal with any real emotional display, so we decided it wasn't gonna work out. I'm not hurt or anything, but horribly disappointed. I was kinda depending on that relationship to get me past Tiffany. And now that it's over, I feel the backslide.

God, this Summer started getting good a week or two past the breakup, and now, everything seems so bleak. I can't get away from her, everything I do, everywhere I go reminds me of her... I wish the shit they had in Eternal Sunshine was real...But honestly, if it was, my very nearly broke ass couldn't afford it for all the world. I miss her and if I thought it'd make me not want her anymore, I'd do anything short of something especially drastic. And I love how my friends are so often nowhere to be found when I'm desperate and lonely. What the fuck.

Well, at the very least, I've got a decent GPA, my internship is successful and they're gonna start paying me(although not for very long or for very many hours...) I think that's all I've really got going for me.

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